Are you surprised that I have not only seen a shrink, but am willing to go public about it?
I think it is a great shame that looking after our mental health has such a stigma attached to it. To me, it is an important form of self-care.
Over the years I’ve been for counselling a few times: to help me overcome the pain of being abused as a child; to improve our marriage; when I found out my Mother had died (nearly 5 years afterwards!); and most recently, after my job was made redundant. The last couple of times were more as preventative measures – I knew they were fairly major events, bound to stir up some negative emotions, so I thought it was wise to monitor my mental health.
I’m thankful that I’ve not only been able to get professional help when I’ve needed it, but that I’ve learned so much from my shrink (okay, if you want to get technical, I saw counsellors or psychologists rather than a psychiatrist which is the usual meaning of a “shrink” … but near enough is good enough today, and that is just one of the lessons I learned from my shrink as you will see in #3 below)!
So without further ado, here are five things I have learned from my shrink:
- My childhood WAS difficult. For years, I tried to gloss over it. Maybe I was making things out to be worse than they really were? My psychologist validated my experience, and I realised that it really wasn’t my fault.
- I could NEVER have pleased my Mum. I felt guilty for being estranged, for not trying harder. But in therapy, I learned that even if I’d given over my entire life to please my Mum, she still would have criticised, found fault and exploded at the drop of a hat. It helped me realise that at least by cutting ties, I’d made sure ONE of us was happy!
- I don’t have to be perfect. How liberating! I’d tried so desperately to please mum, to go “under the radar” or maybe even score some praise, that I felt that I had to be “perfect” at everything. My house had to be perfect. My outfit had to be perfect. My hair had to be perfect. My children had to be perfect. I was setting myself up for disappointment (and depression) with standards like that. Guess what I learnt? Near enough really IS good enough!
- Everybody has a hissy fit from time to time! Because mum had them all the time, I thought they were completely wrong. I’ve kept a very tight lid on my emotions for years and rarely fly off the handle. On the extremely rare occasion that I do, I feel terrible for it. But guess what, sometimes the situation demands it. And funnily enough, the squeaky wheel is the one that gets the grease. There are times when you just HAVE to have a hissy fit. The challenge for me is to express my anger and displeasure without becoming abusive, violent, obscene or in other damaging ways. But other than that? Yes, I really can raise my voice. Yes, I can get angry. Even Jesus (usually seen as meek and mild) got angry and tossed over the tables that the money changers had set up in the Temple!
- It’s a great idea to be proactive about our mental health. It not only helps me as an individual but I’ve found it also benefits my relationships, my work, my health and so much more.
How about you? Have you been to a shrink – and are you willing to admit it?! What have you learned?
Yes, I have been to a psychologist and I am not ashamed to admit it. I found that when I spoke to a third party not related to the situation, I seemed to get more clarity about what I needed to do. Often it wasn’t so much that they told me to do – they just helped me to explore the possibilities that I already knew.
I truly believe that if I don’t look after our mental health, it doesn’t matter how good my physical health is (and right now it isn’t great my mental health is on a real high !!!), if my mental health is down the gurgler, I am pretty much stuffed !
Have the best day and thank you for such an honest post !
Me
Thank you for sharing your experiences. I truly believe the more we talk about it, the more we “normalise” it and remove the stigma 🙂
I never have, but I do think monitoring our mental health is important. I’ve learned to notice signs of stress within myself and when I might not be coping as well as I could. I’m starting to understand when I need to take a step back or when I need to make changes to my life and/or my attitude … and follow through. Thank you for sharing what you’ve learned. I think both people who have and haven’t sought professional help will benefit 🙂
And thanks for linking up today 🙂
Sure have! Hubby and I went a couple of years after we were married, just because we weren’t settling into it very well. I think it’s a great idea to get an unbiased opinion and professional advice … I will certainly do it again. I liked to read what you had learned too, good on you. Cheers, Alison
Good on you two, and that probably has a lot to do with you being happily married today!
I’ve seen counsellors for a couple of sessions in the past when things have gotten a bit stressful. However currently, I have just booked in to see a psychologist to help manage my anxiety and mood. Being a psychologist myself I was actually embarrassed because well, I should know how to cope. But I think knowing the strategies is one thing but having someone help you through it and validate your experiences is completely different. I think what I’m doing is more preventative because I still use strategies such as exercise to prevent myself from getting clinically anxious/depressed. Good on you for getting help when you need it! 🙂
Yes, I get that – physician, heal thyself and all that. But good on you for realising we could all benefit from an objective listening ear xxx
Sometimes I think I should see someone… I spent a lot of time (deliberately?) not thinking about what growing up was like for me, I was never abused or anything like that and I’ve always known that there are people out there who have had things so much harder than me, I didn’t want to complain about nothing… but since I got married, and since I’ve stared talking to my husband about things (and my mother-in-law whose life was no picnic either, she fled east Germany as a little girl), I’ve come to realize that other people, normal people who lived normal lives, think my childhood was pretty crap. There’s plenty of blame to go around, and I think I’m doing a lot of that now, blaming. Probably because I never did it before, but some days I feel very bitter about the whole thing, like everyone who was meant to care for me and look out for me was either selfish or incompetent… I should probably see someone about it, but a part of me is afraid that I really am just a silly woman and that I’ll be told I’m being childish and I can’t stand the thought of embarrassing myself like that.
CJ it sounds like you’re in the trip I was in: “It wasn’t that bad. It’s not like I was sexually abused or anything …” But if it hurts you and haunts you, it is worth dealing with it. Think of it as emptying out all the garbage so it can’t fester anymore, and it leaves more room for the good stuff in your life!
I’ve never seen a shrink, probably because I’ve never really understood what they do and what benefits there are. I was really interested to read your experiences, thanks for sharing!
Cheers,
Lynda.
That’s me, on a one woman mission to bring new light and new understanding LOL (I sound like Jean Luc Picard …)
Yep, I’ve been to see a psychologist and a counsellor for my anxiety and have never been ashamed to admit it although it’s not something I bring up in general conversation, only if it comes up. I’ve spoken about it on my blog in the hope that others who are suffering the same may realise they’re not the only ones. As much as I’d love to not have mental health issues, it’s something I can’t ignore and am on the right path now. Thanks for sharing and I hope all improves for you.
It’s surprising how often it comes up in my life – so many hurting people out there xxx
I have been to see a counsellor because of anxiety caused from beingg sick for the whole of my pregnancies. But I have to say that I have a large family where mental health has been something we have always talked about. I know that for others its taboo. It think like you better to be preventative rather than wait for the walls to come crashing down is the best idea.
Visiting from Blogs and PR
Wow I’d be struggling with that too Annaleis and would probably only have one child! Yes, I think we all need to think proactively about this stuff instead of burning out and falling apart.
I think we all have to learn we can’t be perfect. I went to see one when I lived and worked in Sydney, I was having MAJOR work issues and it was great to speak to someone about it – it was paid for through work – and I think talking about mental health issues will help bust through stereotypes – well I hope so – Em visiting via Blogs and PR for TUST
I hope so too Em!
I work with counsellors (of the Careers variety), and know how accessible and helpful services can be, but I still would be reluctant to use one. Not because of any negative stigma, but because I always think “oh, things aren’t that bad”.
There was a while when my children were young that I would now identify as a time when I was depressed, but I didn’t do anything about it. My husband noticed, but I always felt like “it’s not a problem”, “I’m just being silly”, “it’s not that bad”.
So the biggest hurdle for me is acknowledging that there is a real issue to be dealt with, and that the counsellor isn’t going to laugh my problems off as just being a drama queen.
The fact that your husband noticed indicates to me that it wasn’t just a case of you being silly, or it’s really not that bad. I also figure if MY mental health suffers, it affects my hubster, kids, etc and I love them too much to put them through that (anymore)!
I know exactly how you feel. I find it so much easier to look at others and empathize with them and say ‘wow I can see how that would be really terrible and I’m glad you’re talking to someone about it’, but when I look at myself I feel like I’m just being stupid and should suck it up. Like if I tried to tell a professional about it, they’d think I was so weak and stupid for making a big deal out of it…
That was one of the best things, to have somebody (my therapist) acknowledge that I’d been through hell and it’s a wonder I turned out ok!
Exactly! Yet I would tell anyone else to go and talk to someone! In fact I have done that stacks of times with people that I work with. If they look like they’re going through any sort of stressful time, it is one of the first things that I suggest, because I know how helpful it can be just to TALK about things with an independent third party.
But me? Oh no, I’ll be fine in just a little while.
I think that kind of attitude is why it is so important for other people to bring it up and really encourage others that may be struggling to get assistance.
I’m currently seeing a private Psychologist and a public psychiatrist. I have been seeing Mental Health Services since I was 14 (I’m 25 now) for self harm issues. I was diagnosed with Borderline but my current psychologist thinks that I was misdiagnosed as I’m too ‘easy’. I am doing DBT at the moment and it is really helping with emotion regulation. I also blog a lot about Mental Health. I’m a firm believer in MH being just as important as physical health. I know that since my MH has slipped my physical health has declined, which makes my MH worse. It’s a vicious circle really.
I just wish that better MH services were more affordable to more people. Currently I am paying $160 a session because my care plan has run out, which I still had to pay for the sessions upfront anyway. The public system is so over taxed with clients and under funded. The burnout rate is so high because staff are expected to work with double the amount of clients they are supposed to, which means that people slip through the cracks.
Yes, it is disappointing how hard (and expensive!) it is to get quality mental health care – and I guess even more so if you’re not in a capital city …
I haven’t had to, but if life got overwhelming or there was need for me to go, I definitely would visit one. The worst thing we can do is cover how we are feeling and not reach out for help. I love 5 things you have learned.
Thanks Rebecca 🙂
Can’t say that I have but I’ve possibly needed to over the years but have turned to family, friends and my trusty journal instead. Possibly not the best way, but the only way I wanted to at the time.
Thanks so much for linking up with our Sharing is Caring Sunday. Your blog has been on our ‘worth casing’ list for some time so it’s always a huge thrill when one of our favourites links up. Have a gorgeously great week!
Naww thanks for the bloggy love. Yes, where would we be without family, friends and of course writing is great therapy too.
Doesn’t it take the pressure off when you finally realize that you don’t have to be perfect? I think so many of us have the impression that everyone else is living the perfect life, when we’re all pretty much in the same boat.
And yes, having a hissy fit every now and then is good for you I think.
Lots to think about here Janet xx
And that’s just the top 5 things I learned – I learned so much more besides!
Thanks for leaving the link and pointing me to this post! Yes, near enough is good enough! What wonderful tips these are and thanks so much for sharing. My husband and I see a counsellor too and I definitely think it’s okay to go public with it.! Love this post, thanks for sharing.
Thanks Mandy, I’m glad you liked it – I thought you might after reading your post.
This is a great post – I went once (ie for about 6 weeks, one period, is what I mean, not once) and I loved it. I came out thinking “I totally understand why everyone in America goes all the time – if money was no object, I think everyone should go all the time” What it is, not matter what your issue if any at all, is that it makes you put aside an hour a week to think about yourself, your life, how you behave…and you talk about it. No other time do you devote thinking about things like that. I’m a very reserved person yet time would be up so quickly, because I’d babbled endlessly…
I’ve thought that too!
I even endorsed mine on Linkedin! I was somebody that didn’t really ‘get’ that depression didn’t mean I had to be publicly maudlin for it to count. I have found that the things I learned about myself and also about giving myself permission to be proud of myself incredibly empowering. It’s a continuous journey though and since I am responsible for bringing up two beautiful people now, I keep a check on my own mental health and have become a bit evangelical about getting people to talk about it. There is no shame in it. None at all.
I like that word “evangelical” – me too!
Good on you for being out and proud Janet, I am too. I would be a much less happy person if I hadn’t received professional help along the way too.
Thanks Rachel. There should be more like us hey!
Thank you for sharing that … it’s all so universally true and such good advice for all of us. I think that no matter how old we are, there’s a voice inside our head that keeps pushing us to try and seek our parent/s’ approval and if we don’t learn to accept ourselves regardless of their disapproval and criticisms we will never truly be free.