Are you surprised that I have not only seen a shrink, but am willing to go public about it?
I think it is a great shame that looking after our mental health has such a stigma attached to it. To me, it is an important form of self-care.
Over the years I’ve been for counselling a few times: to help me overcome the pain of being abused as a child; to improve our marriage; when I found out my Mother had died (nearly 5 years afterwards!); and most recently, after my job was made redundant. The last couple of times were more as preventative measures – I knew they were fairly major events, bound to stir up some negative emotions, so I thought it was wise to monitor my mental health.
I’m thankful that I’ve not only been able to get professional help when I’ve needed it, but that I’ve learned so much from my shrink (okay, if you want to get technical, I saw counsellors or psychologists rather than a psychiatrist which is the usual meaning of a “shrink” … but near enough is good enough today, and that is just one of the lessons I learned from my shrink as you will see in #3 below)!
So without further ado, here are five things I have learned from my shrink:
- My childhood WAS difficult. For years, I tried to gloss over it. Maybe I was making things out to be worse than they really were? My psychologist validated my experience, and I realised that it really wasn’t my fault.
- I could NEVER have pleased my Mum. I felt guilty for being estranged, for not trying harder. But in therapy, I learned that even if I’d given over my entire life to please my Mum, she still would have criticised, found fault and exploded at the drop of a hat. It helped me realise that at least by cutting ties, I’d made sure ONE of us was happy!
- I don’t have to be perfect. How liberating! I’d tried so desperately to please mum, to go “under the radar” or maybe even score some praise, that I felt that I had to be “perfect” at everything. My house had to be perfect. My outfit had to be perfect. My hair had to be perfect. My children had to be perfect. I was setting myself up for disappointment (and depression) with standards like that. Guess what I learnt? Near enough really IS good enough!
- Everybody has a hissy fit from time to time! Because mum had them all the time, I thought they were completely wrong. I’ve kept a very tight lid on my emotions for years and rarely fly off the handle. On the extremely rare occasion that I do, I feel terrible for it. But guess what, sometimes the situation demands it. And funnily enough, the squeaky wheel is the one that gets the grease. There are times when you just HAVE to have a hissy fit. The challenge for me is to express my anger and displeasure without becoming abusive, violent, obscene or in other damaging ways. But other than that? Yes, I really can raise my voice. Yes, I can get angry. Even Jesus (usually seen as meek and mild) got angry and tossed over the tables that the money changers had set up in the Temple!
- It’s a great idea to be proactive about our mental health. It not only helps me as an individual but I’ve found it also benefits my relationships, my work, my health and so much more.
How about you? Have you been to a shrink – and are you willing to admit it?! What have you learned?