Or … how much is too much support, when it come to parenting and setting boundaries with your young adult?
Recently I posted on Facebook about a call I made to Centrelink on behalf of Mr 21. I knew there would be a lot of others who would feel my pain – at not only having to wait on hold for nearly half an hour – but then to be given the incorrect information!
But some of you wanted to know why *I* was making the call, and not Mr 21 himself. It might seem like over-parenting and molly-coddling, but I believe the end justifies the means. Let me explain …
Boundaries with your Young Adult
Mr 21 left his fast food job in May (while we were overseas, grrrrr – not much we could do about it from over there!) as he is keen to transition into a career in administration or similar.
However finding a new job is proving difficult (we did warn him it would be a challenge to find a job in an office without relevant experience – especially now he isn’t on junior rates anymore!), and not surprisingly, he is growing discouraged. It seems every time we turn on the TV there is yet another story about youth unemployment …
Luckily he’s had some money saved, which is why we haven’t approached Centrelink before. It was only when he tried to register with local employment agencies that he discovered he had to be registered with Centrelink first … hence my phone call to enquire about the process. Because if I didn’t make that phone call, I knew it wouldn’t happen.
The End Justifies the Means …
Am I molly-coddling him? How much support is too much support when you have a grown child? As I said before, I feel the end justifies the means … and I will do whatever I can to support him in finding new employment! (I may also have a secret fear that he will wind up unemployed and still living at home at 30 … ).
I know (from past experience), that once Mr 21 is in a new job, he will grow in confidence and maturity even more – he is a hard worker, dedicated, with great attention to detail, courteous, and well-liked and respected by his workmates (so if you know any office jobs going in Brisbane that he should apply for, do let me know, won’t you?!).
Tell me, what are your boundaries with your young adult? And how much support is too much support, when it comes to parenting your adult child?
Parenting is hard no matter whether they are 2, 12 or 21 and you have to make choices all the way along. Those pesky boundaries just keep changing don’t they! I hope your son finds something soon.
Thanks Kate, it’s certainly a lot different to how I went about finding a job last time I was unemployed (at about his age so quite a while ago now!)
Kate is right. Parenting is hard (Not that I know from experience, but it doesn’t look like an easy task). When I was a young person, I too struggled with finding employment and education, and while my relationship was’t great with my parents, they were on call if I needed them. Which I think is the tightrope that you need to walk. To be the support net, to be on call, for when your kids make mistakes, but also to try and help them avoid unnecessary pain.
Sure, it would have been nice if my relationship was better with my parents when I was younger, and quiet frankly, I would have appreciated more support than what they explicitly delivered, but it’s all a learning process. He’s learning to find his feet, and you’re still learning to parent. I think, so long as you have mutual love and trust, the relationship will look after itself.
Hi Ainslie, like you I didn’t have that “safety net” as a young person, so I don’t exactly have a role model or example in my own life to copy! But I’m pretty sure Mr 21 knows we have his back 😉
Hi Janet, being a mother of a 22 year old, I perfectly understand. I would have done the same as I think its our duty as parents to render support whenever necessary. As you say the end justifies the means. Better to help out now and get him on the right footing now. Shows you are a terrific mum. Keep up the good job. xo
Thanks so much Elsie! Hopefully I will be able to share about him finding a job, in the not too distant future!
I also think that you are doing the right thing. So agree with the comments made here, parenting IS getting tougher, whether it is west or east of the world/culture. Sincerely hope Mr 21 will find a job he likes.
Youth unemployment in most cities is growing, I already start worrying and praying for my kids.
you are doing it Right!! 21 is so young…
Sorry but I am going to disagree with everyone here. I think we (and I mean we!) do molly-coddle our kids too much these days. I am and always have been on hand to offer my kids assistance but I think they need to learn to do things for themselves and if that means facing the consequences – then so be it. That is the only way they will learn to stand on their own in this crazy world. I hope your son finds work soon Janet – I know how tough it is out there.