I’ve had a couple of people express surprise because I posted on a very controversial topic recently.
It’s true, I normally avoid anything political here on Middle Aged Mama.
But I thought it would be reasonably inoffensive to discuss the fact that I didn’t have a particular viewpoint on gay marriage, and was feeling just plain confused.
I wrote the post for me, to help clarify my thoughts.
However I published it, because I was/am certain there must be others like me, sitting on the fence, unsure of which way to jump (and probably too scared to say so, and with good reason, as my experience has demonstrated).
My Readers Rock!
On the whole, I was mostly pleased and proud of how my readers and the Middle Aged Mama community responded, both here and on Facebook. There were some good points raised, and some interesting discussion.
The first few comments in particular were exactly what I’d hoped for. There were indeed others like me, not sure what they thought.
Others commented that they hadn’t realised that the issue wasn’t clear cut for some.
But then came the not-so-respectful comments and heated debate.
Interestingly, the ugly comments came from people that AREN’T a regular part of the community here at Middle Aged Mama. They aren’t my usual readers, and they never comment, like, share or chat on my social media channels … well, until now.
At least read the post FIRST!
What annoyed me was that a couple of these strident voices were so quick to jump on the bandwagon, it was clear that they hadn’t even taken the time to read my post.
I was told that my post was uneducated.
Hurtful.
That I made them want to throw up.
That they couldn’t believe that anybody could not have an opinion.
That it was obvious which way I was leaning (and then named the opposite! Told ya they didn’t read the post!).
Hey, I’m the first to admit I’m uneducated about the issue. That’s why I raised the subject. I wanted to learn and find out more – and I did.
I certainly never set out to intentionally hurt anybody, and I do apologise if I did.
To be honest, I was a bit shocked to be attacked for NOT having an opinion! I was genuinely questioning and I was slammed for that. Isn’t it a good thing that I was open to discussion and learning more?
I tried to respond to all comments, no matter what their persuasion, in a courteous and rational manner. One particularly nasty commenter responded well to that and we went on to have (what I thought) was a courteous discussion, ending reasonably amicably.
So I was surprised when this person saw fit to delete the whole thread of our conversation! Did they realised how bad it made them look perhaps? (I so wish I’d taken a screenshot of it, what can I say, I’m naive when it comes to this sort of thing!)
The Golden Rule of Blogging?!
Have you ever heard the saying, treat others the way that you would like to be treated?
One of the worst offenders was another blogger. Ironically, on her own blog, she asks people to “play nice” – but then she had no hesitation in dropping a huge stinking pile of manure in MY backyard (which she later deleted).
It takes a thick skin to write AND publish a controversial post, even if you think you are doing it in a calm and reasonable, even inoffensive way.
Those nasty comments will make your heart beat faster, and want to defend yourself vigorously. I had to remind myself to take a deep breath, and carefully consider how I responded. I’m a grown up after all!
And if I wanted others to be respectful, I had to set the example!
To be honest, I quickly grew bored with the discussion on Facebook … but it had taken on a bit of a life of its own.
I debated deleting it all together; but hoped it would die down of its own accord soon enough, which it has.
So will I be discussing controversial topics again on my blog or social media?
Look, I can’t see it becoming part of the regular scheduled programming here at Middle Aged Mama.
But – if I want to speak out on something, or ask questions, or encourage people to THINK for themselves, then I will. I will just have to make sure I am ready when the arrows start to fly!
Have you ever experienced online bullying or trolling?!
Linking up with Kylie Purtell for IBOT.
Oh I am so sorry that people were so quick to jump on you like that. I think it’s fabulous that you were open to finding out more. There are so many people out there who are closed minded and I love that you were expressing a desire to hear from others. I am just sorry that those ‘others’ were all pitchforks and torches. This topic is a tough and emotional one for a lot of people but there’s a lot to be said for approaching it with love. Because that’s what this is – it’s about love and peoples’ right to love and be loved. I feel very strongly in my stance, but that doesn’t give me the right to hate on you for still making up your mind. We are all always learning about the world and the experiences of others. I know I have a long way to go in certain areas and I know that compared to 10 years ago, I have come a long way too. What are we if we aren’t willing to grow? Hugs and I hope you keep being you – I thought you were very respectful and honest (and I am usually quick to dismiss someone who I believe is bigoted and hateful) x
Naww thanks Kez, I love your attitude. The pitchforks and torches comments made me laugh … I can’t help imagining those folk trashing me to others … c’est la vie. I lost maybe half a dozen followers on FB, but I’m not losing any sleep over it 😉 .
I left a comment on that post and I just bobbed over to see your response but my comment wasn’t there – hoping it wasn’t the one that was offensive and got deleted! I am sorry that people were so unkind – I think the whole premise of this debate is about love and being empathetic about the needs of others. There’s so much hate in the world right now and a little bit of love and understanding goes a long way. I’m sorry that you’ve been on the receiving end of online bullying – at the end of the day, the old adage holds true, “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all” whether you’re online or off it!
Definitely wasn’t you – you pop in and comment often! I can’t find your comment on that particular post though, not even in the spam folder. Darn internet gremlins!!!
I once wrote a post on someone else’s blog about how *I* felt about something (it was meaningless to me), while acknowledging in the post the very real reasons I know it could mean something for others.
Of course, people just read the headline and commented and I just gave up. Literally didn’t bother replying to people. If they won’t do me the courtesy of reading it then my opinion is f%^& it. I’m not putting time into them.
It put me off publishing stuff anywhere that isn’t my blog for many years. I want to be able to read the comments of things I write. I want to be able to engage with others. What’s the point if we’re just yelling at each other? I’m not a journalist, I don’t want to just broadcast. I want to communicate.
*sigh* it’s so annoying how people don’t actually stop to read instead of jumping to conclusions.
What a terribly challenging experience, when you had sincere and genuine intentions. There are quite a number of topics I am extremely reluctant to address online, and that is one of them. It seems as though there is only one viewpoint that will be accepted, and therefore a reasonable search to understand where other people are coming from is almost impossible. It is exhausting to have to navigate through that kind of conversation online. I don’t think my skin is quite thick enough to step into dealing with that level of hate and intolerance.
Hi Tracy, you are so right: It seems as though there is only one viewpoint that will be accepted. Which is why (usually) I’m like you and just keep my mouth shut and my opinions to myself! But this time I realised I didn’t know what my opinion was, writing this post definitely helped. It’s a shame folk aren’t more tolerant of other’s thoughts, and respectful of their feelings x
I can’t believe some peop,e. There is no need for hate, especially when they haven’t even bothered to read the post in the first place. So sorry you got attacked lovely, some things bring out the worst in people and when its all said and done they are usually the ignorant ones xx
Call me naive Beck but I am always shocked when I realise there are people like this in the world!
It’s the nature of this debate unfortunately. Did you delete the original Facebook link because it was gone although I had a notification that you had commented. Is the blog still there? I was looking for your reply to my comments. Anyway, I appreciate your honesty and I’m sorry you had such horrible replies. The hurt is not necessary. I am in discussion on Facebook at the moment with folk on the other side of the fence to me. So far it has been reasonable, thankfully. I would be sad to lose the connection with them. Keep posting whatever is on your heart!
Hi Raelene, it’s still there on Facebook but I think because that person deleted their comments, the link is broken – or at least it is when I click on notifications. If you go back through the Middle Aged Mama timeline on the FB page you should still be able to find it. You know me … just trying to keep it real and honest, even if it means admitting that I don’t necessarily agree with whatever is politically correct!
Hi Janet!
I’ll admit I haven’t read your post yet, but I’m sorry to hear you felt attached by someone on your own page. Everyone’s entitled to their opinion but not at the expense of being disrespectful. Perhaps they regretted their words and that’s why they deleted. You’ve always been very kind and balanced.
Thanks Bron, I hope you’re right that they regretted it … thank you for the compliment, I do strive to be a kind and balanced person in real life and here on the blog, so I really appreciate you noticing and saying so!
Good on you for your honest and heart-felt approach for that post. I am sorry it brought you some nastiness and no-one ever deserves and your blog is a particularly lovely place to write. It does show you though as it does me, how ‘issues’ can take on a life of their own. I hope you are OK. Denyse x
Thank you so much Denyse, I so appreciate readers like you who take the time to read and actually SEE my heart. I’m okay, was just a bit shocked, call me naive but I’ve never really dealt with this sort of thing before x
I just went and read your post. It is something I had never considered. As usual I have no understanding of why we can’t all respect the opinion (or lack there of) of others. We all have a right to feel as we wish. Sorry you went through that.
Thanks for taking the time to read my rambles Nicole! Yes like you I am just shocked that some folk are missing the “respect” gene … it was a bit hurtful at the time but at the same time amusing in a way!
Whilst I was originally shocked by your post (as I said at the time) I also think you opened up an important conversation and many of the comments gave you constructive food for thought. That has to be a good thing.
Sorry to hear you got some flack, I guess that might have been to be expected but it doesn’t mean you have to like it.!
I grew up in a very strict fundamentalist church so to even question things like this was a big step for me. It’s a shame we can’t just talk about things without some folk going over the top.
It always amazes me how many people feel able to say anything however mean nasty or just plain horrible ,from the anonymity of a keyboard .
I wonder if any of them are as mean and nasty in real life?! Or if it’s just an internet thing?
That really sucks Janet! I get the feeling if you dare to not fully agree with the masses you best duck and hide!! Like the whole Margaret Court saga. She has a right to an opinion but she should not have continued to stir the pot and hurt people. But I guess that was her point too, others can so why can’t she? No doubt the media will be all over the vote over the next few weeks. I’m hoping we finally catch up to the rest of our neighbours and realise love is love x
ps. #teamIBOT
Jo I’m sure we will be hearing much more in coming months. I was nodding my head in agreement to this: I get the feeling if you dare to not fully agree with the masses you best duck and hide … oh yeah.
Hi Janet! Well you certainly got the conversation going didn’t you? However, what rankles me with any debate (especially political issues) is that people say they will listen but they don’t. We get people who are far right or far left and they just will not listen to the other person’s point of view. They are right and that is the end of the matter. I also agree that usually the loudest and hurtful voices probably haven’t even read what you have written. They take a sentence or word and seize on that to make their point. I’m so pleased you had such support from friends and readers and we should all be able to have an opinion. Unfortunately, the world has become a place where an opinion is not valued unless it is what people want to hear. Have a great week xx
Yup had no idea it would stir up such a hornet’s nest! Ah well you live and you learn …
Sorry to hear you had such a bad responses from some people, but good on you for being brave enough to comment on a controversial topic. I read that post last week, but didn’t comment because I didn’t know what to say about the issue (Translation – not brave). It’s good to set the cat among the pigeons every now and then 🙂
LOL I know them feelings too Nola, regarding other issues – I know what I think but sometimes it’s better just to keep my big mouth shut!
This sounds terrible, but I knew you would get the haters out. People read the title and don’t read the post to understand. The thing is, I know your heart. There was no malice in your post whatsoever. I’m sorry you got hated on, but let me assure you your words helped many people and that is the main thing. Sending virtual love to you lovely. xx
Thanks Bec, it showed me that some people out there are just spoiling for a fight full stop.