I came across the term “white anting” in the context of relationships recently – and it was a new one for me.
But funnily enough the meaning was pretty clear straight away!
Recognising White Ant Activity
As responsible home owners, we are meant to keep an eye out for white ant activity.
White ants are notorious for wreaking enormous damage before anybody realises that they are at work. They quietly go about their business, undermining foundations, hollowing out walls, leaving a trail of destruction in their path, until only the shell of the original structure remains.
White Anting in Relationships
And that pretty much sums up “white anting” – except now we are talking about human beings, rather than insects.
As any HR consultant worth their salt can tell you, white anting can occur in workplaces too and it’s incredibly destructive. However it extends much further than that – you’ll find it in the houses of parliament, in friendships, in families, at churches, at sporting clubs – in fact, pretty much anywhere humans gather.
It pays to be aware of white ant activity, so you can prevent and treat it, and save yourself from all that damage and potential heartache.
So what sort of things should you be looking for?
- White anting behaviour is sneaky. These aren’t the people who will challenge you face to face, or even stab you in the back. Oh no, they are much more sneaky than that. The odd snide remark, or never missing a chance to make fun of you. If challenged, they will claim their innocence, and make out that YOU are the one with the problem.
- Feeling drained. This was the main clue I had that I was the victim of white anting – after every interaction, I was left feeling drained. If I was enthusiastic about something, cold water was quickly poured over me. I couldn’t put my finger on it for a long time, but eventually I realised that after every encounter, I was left feeling down, a hollowed out version of myself.
- Damage seems to be spreading. If somebody is white anting you or your organisation, the damage spreads – and usually quickly (just like with their insect counterparts). They will subtly lay eggs of doubt, and spread negativity, often while hiding behind a screen of seeming supportiveness. They can do the most damage by working from the inside.
- Going under the radar. White anting is an attempt to distract attention from their own performance or contribution (or rather, the lack of it). When you think about it, they blend into the woodwork – what have they actually done lately? They may be in fact jealous of your success – so instead, they undermine your efforts, to make themselves look better.
- Their jaws are always working. They talk a lot. But where’s the action? Where’s the results?
- Actions speak louder than words. Don’t be blinded by the years of history you might have with this person. What are their actions telling you? Do they treat you like somebody they respect or value?
How to Manage White Anting
The problem with white anting is that it is such a subtle form of sabotage, it can be a long time before you recognise it. In my case, it took many years before I realised a so-called friend, was actually not acting like a friend at all.
There are a couple of different ways you can handle it, if you realise you have been a victim of white anting.
First of all, remember that it is their problem – not yours. (Mind you I doubt they are even aware of what they are doing, their passive-aggressive behaviour is buried so deep in their subconscious …)
If at all possible, try to distance yourself from the situation or relationship.
Ideally, you would remove yourself altogether, however that is not always possible – for example, in your workplace or with immediate family.
Instead, focus your energy on your own efforts, as well as the positive people who surround you – the ones who make you feel good about yourself, and enthusiastic about life in general.
Have you ever come across the term “white anting” before – or have you seen it in action?