Yesterday, a bloggy friend wrote about how she thought she had parenting all figured out – BEFORE she actually had any!
I guess we were all probably guilty of that 😉
However, one of MY biggest quandaries before I had kids, was with my friend who already had them.
Can you Discipline Someone Else’s Kids?
When they played up or did something I didn’t like – especially when it was in my home – could I, should I, have said anything?
In particular, I’m thinking of the time this family came to visit the hubster and I only days after we had moved into our BRAND.NEW.HOUSE.
It was lovely to see them and that they shared our excitement about our new house.
Except … they let their kids run amuck, and did nothing to stop them.
There was the cup of cordial, carelessly left on a coffee table in the formal lounge and ALMOST knocked over onto the brand new carpet.
Next minute I turned around and noticed the toddler pulling down his pants, about to pee into a large ornamental vase!
Well … you get the idea.
I didn’t say anything much at the time, just worked hard to keep track of the kids to avoid any permanent damage. As you can imagine, I was exhausted and had a headache by the time they left!
But with the wisdom of hindsight, and now that I’ve had kids myself … well, the reality is, my OWN children were not permitted to take food or drink into the formal lounge room (where all these shenanigans took place). So I wouldn’t have had a problem moving the kids into another room or insisting they eat at the table – because that is what I expected of my OWN children.
How do you handle it when other people’s kids are out of control – in your house?!
Joining up with Essentially Jess for I Blog On Tuesdays.
Our house rules apply to other kids when they visit. I’ve had a couple of experiences where I’ve had to say something to my children’s friends….for sitting on our kitchen bench, or helping themselves to food out of our pantry….always a bit tricky!
I would never let my kids run around someone else’s BRAND NEW HOUSE and be terrors. So says me, who only has 1 child and he is 5 and reasonably well behaved. I’d be mortified if he urinated in someone’s … well anything other than their TOILET! and if cordial was spilled on brand new carpet! But it is so hard to say something to/about someone else’s kids. I’d probably have picked up the cordial and said “How about we go check out outside!?!” and got them out of the house! xo
I must confess – I got my own back a few years later after I’d had kids! I put my son down for a nap in their little girl’s room only to find that before he’d gone to sleep he’d found a lipstick and drawn all over his face, AND her pillowcase – but fortunately, that was all!! The pillowcase was ruined but it could have been a lot worse!!!
I know someone who had kids who would act like this. I would say, the rules in our house are that there is no food in the bedrooms, if you want an iceblock you need to go outside ect. The worst way saying, in this house we act for food don’t take from the cupboards! So hard, but I need my kids to see that the same rules apply to everyone in our house.
It’s even harder when you don’t have kids and so haven’t really set the rules (yet)!
I expect anyone who comes in to my house, kids or adults, to behave to the same standards and manners that I was bought up with. It is hard though to enforce the rules with some kids but then I’ve never had to with all but one as they all have parents that have the same rules and ideas that I do thankfully.
I have to say, I am appalled that children would go in to the pantry or cupboard at someone else’s house though, that is just not on! My mum wasn’t particularly strict with us but manners was one thing she didn’t compromise on and I never would have dreamed of looking in a cupboard at someone else’s house, let alone taking food from it without asking.
#teamIBOT was here!
Yes I’ve encountered a couple of kids like that and I’ve always been shocked – a definite no no in my book.
It’s so hard because we have friends who have little children who come over and by the time they leave I am absolutely shattered – crumbs everywhere, half filled plastic cups left around – we would make them go outside but we have dogs and they are terrified even though the dogs are smallish and very friendly. I try to get everyone outside (parents included) unless it is really cold during winter – but it’s just such hard work – sometimes I would rather not see them because of the mess their children make !! Sad but true !
Have a great week !
Me
I hear ya … it’s hard work.
Yep, it is always a bit awkward, especially if the parent is there, not doing anything. I NEVER discipline other kids outside my house, but at my house, our rules apply. It isn’t fair on my kids otherwise. I try to be quite explicit in my rules up front (e.g. that door is closed because we are NOT going into that room), we keep our food in the dining room (a necessity with crawling babies around who will pop anything into their mouths) etc. It is only a handful of times that I have had to give anything more than a gentle reminder, and we have other kids here once a week or so.
We are similar – but I have to admit more than a few times I have been surprised by children thinking they can go into any room they like, even if the door is closed. It was worse when we lived in a tiny worker’s cottage with the master bedroom right off the lounge – I hated it when kids came in there – I felt like my personal space had been invaded. In a “normal” house most people (kids included) wouldn’t dream of going upstairs or walking into the parent’s bedroom but for some reason in that house it was open slather!
I think we all have the right to set the expectation for behaviour in our own homes. Other parents might not know what we consider to be appropriate, so they can be educated if their child does something inappropriate 🙂
I like the line “In our house we…”
It’s only fair that the same rules apply to everyone 🙂
Absolutely. We have a “shoes off” policy in our home and 95% of guests follow by example. But I’m still timid of those who don’t (adults I mean – kids I don’t have a problem saying something!)
I hate being put in this position, and think it’s really unfair when parents let their kids run riot, and not say anything. I don’t let mine do it, and expect the same courtesy.
When Bell’s friends are over they all know the rules about no ice blocks inside and no food in the bedrooms. They all seem to prefer eating outside anyway, so that’s pretty lucky.
Yes, I was a bit disappointed that my friend & her hubby didn’t take more control of the kids.
It hasn’t really happened yet, but I would just politely say ” , it’s not a good idea to be drinking this in here, why don’t you move into the kitchen otherwise you could spill the drink on the carpet and that wouldn’t be good”. I wouldn’t have a problem saying anything, but would just use the right tone. I’m pretty sure my friends would be perfectly OK with me saying it although I don’t think my friends would ever let their kids do that!
You make it sound so easy but I was such a timid thing back then!
I treat the kids who come here the same as my own – same rules apply. Thankfully I haven’t had to stop anyone from peeing into a vase as yet… 🙂
It was quite an experience, I have to tell you!
I totally get why you had a headache and was exhausted after such shenanigans Janet! Prior to having kids I used to have to have a lay down after other peoples kids came a visiting – I used to find it so tiring and I was usually on edge that they were going to break something and I didn’t know how to go about politely telling their parents can they please reign their kids in :-). Since having my own I make sure for the most part everybody hot foots it outside – that way everyone can relax, make a mess with food and kids for the most part love tearing about outside with other kids where they can be as noisy as they like.
Thank heavens for outside!
Oooh this is a tough one! In my home, our house rules apply period. But when it comes to enforcing them, that’s where it gets shady. If it’s a really close friend whose children know me really well, I’ll say something to them, but I’m not up for scaring kids I don’t know that well and I think it’s the parent’s responsibility so I’d be more likely to have a word to the parent.
We had an awkward situation a few weeks ago when a childless friend was staying with us and she took it upon herself to push my Miss 5 (yes, she actually laid hands on her!) when I was out of the room. Suffice to say, I lost the plot.
#teamIBOT
I was always too timid before I had kids … but I would be like a Mama Bear if anybody was hard on my cubs!!! Sounds like you were too!
Ha ha that is quite funny – but I suppose once my kids get older and move out I will probably worry about these things too – maybe I’ll just politely say, okay so kids OUTSIDE!! You know me, I’m not shy of coming forward 🙂 xx
I wonder how people in units cope with no “outside”?!
Tough situation! I get really annoyed and it always shows on my face yet I try to be polite by biting my tongue. Or I’ll try to get the naughty kid(s) on their own and hint about behaving nicely. Or I’ll say something along the lines of “Make sure you are all well behaved, no jumping around or running” but look at my daughter and ‘pretend’ to direct it to her, making sure that the other kids hear it too. I don’t know, it’s quite hard isn’t it and you don’t want to offend the parents. But seriously, peeing into a vase… I would have just freaked out!
It’s pretty funny now though 😉
It’s hard isn’t it? I get kids in at work who are not being watched, and that’s even harder. It’s a bottle shop and there is glass everywhere! The other day, a kid was practicing walking backwards in between displays! I gently said ‘be careful!’ but what else can you do?
I must admit once I had kids I had the odd time where I just couldn’t be stuffed supervising my kids thoroughly when we were out visiting … just too tired!
As you know Janet, I don’t have kids but I do discipline the children of my friends if they do something wrong when they come over. I love children and they are always welcome and they can run and play but not do some crazy things. Their parents encourage me to discipline them and you know what, these children absolutely love me and always ask their parents to come over to se me.
I bet they would just love you – Auntie Rita!!!
I actually don’t remember having this situation before I had kids because most of my friends who had had kids were really onto them when they picked up an ornament off the tv cabinet and because we have an indoor dog, they were probably too scared to run amuck. Classic situation with peeing in the ornamental vase… at least it wasn’t aimed at the wall. 😉