Have you ever stopped to think about the various chapters of life?
Some might run concurrently, some might overlap, some might start or finish very abruptly, others, you just kind of ease into. Or at least that’s been my experience when I think back on the various chapters of my life so far, and try to put them in some sort of chronological order.
The Childhood Chapter
I was a happy, sunny natured kid, did well at school, wasn’t particularly sporty. My childhood was pretty normal until it was shattered abruptly when I was 10, by the break up of my parents’ marriage and the escalation of my mother’s mental illness.
Ten Years of Hell (aka the Teenager Years)
What followed could best be described as ten years of hell. The teenage years are never easy but mine were awful, with a mother whose moods were up and down like a roller coaster. The goalposts were forever changing; what was okay, or even rewarded one day, was strictly punished the next. Throw in a series of “uncles”, a couple of alcoholic stepfathers … well you get the picture.
I coped by escaping – to school, by reading books, and being involved in a youth group and church from age 13. I also loved writing letters to penpals – a couple of whom I am still in touch with today, thanks to the wonders of Facebook.
The Youth Group Years
Folk in my youth group/church didn’t really know what was going on for me at home. Like many victims of abuse, I protected the perpetrator – out of “love”, and somehow thinking I was the one at fault. In some ways youth group was great, giving me a wide circle of friends, lots of clean wholesome fun social activities that no parent could complain about (although mum often did), promoting family values and encouraging us to find and pursue our purpose.
In other ways, it just made me feel guilty, ashamed and condemned – why did I find it so hard to get along with and please my mother?!
The youth group years effectively ended around the time the hubster and I got engaged – I shifted way across town, and the church had a new direction that I strongly disagreed with, so it was a bit of a natural progression really. I was 22.
The next couple of chapters overlapped with the youth group years …
My College Career
After high school I went to teacher’s college, graduating just before my 20th birthday. I threw myself into my studies, not realising until the last semester that maybe teaching wasn’t for me …
Out On My Own
As college ended, so did my time in my mother’s home. I was homeless, couch surfing, had no job, no money … and plenty of baggage in the form of PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). I ended up sharing a house with some girls from youth group, and eventually found a job.
Working Girl
It wasn’t like it is now – teaching jobs were scarce. I ended up working at Coles as a casual – spending time in various departments, but primarily in fruit and veg, as a checkout chick, and also in the cash office on Thursday nights and Saturdays. This seriously affected my social life, and the hours – and money – were uncertain, which is a bit crap when you have to pay rent, bills, etc. So I was grateful to land a job as a clerk in the public service (which incidentally is where I met my Bear – you can read our love story here).
A year later I was *finally* offered a teaching position. It was a tough decision – I really enjoyed my job in the city, but I *had* done all that training after all, it would be silly not to at least give teaching a try … I lasted 3 months in the classroom, absolutely hated it.
I left to take up another office job in local government, and would you believe it paid $5000 a year more than I was making as a teacher! (I think teacher’s pay has improved somewhat since then!).
I only left that job after we got married, for a similar position closer to home.
The Cinderella Years
While it wasn’t exactly a rags to riches tale, I *did* meet my handsome prince and it turned out (as many Italian/Maltese families do) his parents had encouraged him to buy his first house very young, rent it out and pay it off while he still lived at home.
By the time we got married he’d paid a lot of it off, which was a huge thing and made me feel a bit like Cinderella. Only thing was, it was on the other side of town to where I grew up, and even though I was excited to start off married life in a new area, it was a wrench to realise that my friends were all an hour’s drive, and an STD phone call (remember them?!), away.
The Stay at Home Mum
Our first child was born four years after we got married, and we were now in a financial position that allowed me to be a SAHM. I’m not saying it was easy – even without a huge mortgage we still had to watch our pennies very carefully – but it was worth it. Miss 22 came along 2 1/2 years later.
I loved my kids and that I could be home with them, but it was difficult because I felt very isolated and as it turns out, was suffering from severe depression which I didn’t discover until my youngest child was two.
Janet the Writer …
It was while I was a SAHM that I realised that I could make money from writing – so I started selling articles to magazines.
The Footprints Years: 1998 – 2012
Around this time I decided that if I couldn’t find the kind of magazine I wanted to read, I should make my own – surely others were in the same boat! Footprints started out as a few photocopied pages, a quarterly newsletter for Australian Christian women available by subscription only; over time it developed into a magazine. It was a labour of love – I didn’t make a cent from it, serving in a voluntary capacity, and love it I did: every single aspect of it – from writing articles, getting others to write, sourcing articles, layout and design, marketing and promotion, maintaining the database, doing presentations at churches and various groups.
I honestly thought I would be doing Footprints forever, but …
Back to Work
During the Footprints Years I was a SAHM, before heading back to work first as an office temp, then landing a part time job as a library assistant.
At the end of 2005 I got a great job in my local council writing newsletters for the community sector. (At the interview, when asked about my experience in preparing newsletters, I was able to hold up a copy of Footprints and say cheekily: “Here’s one I prepared earlier!” quoting from a popular TV ad of the time. Needless to say I got the job!)
This was my dream job, but over the years, it became closer to a nightmare due to changes in managers and to my role. I would have probably stagnated stayed there until retirement but much to my shock and horror, in October 2012 I was made redundant.
That was the abrupt end of my job and also Footprints, as I set about trying to build a new life and a new job for myself out of the ashes.
A year or two later we left our church of 20 years, for various reasons, but I’m sure it was all connected. We don’t go anywhere now and just between you and me, I’m enjoying having our Sundays to ourselves again 😉 .
I am an Entrepreneur!
After my redundancy I couldn’t face the thought of another horrible boss and toxic workplace, so I determined to make a business out of my writing skills. I started this here blog as “Redland City Living” (such a laugh that I thought I could make money out of it!), scored my first client not longer after, and let the road gradually reveal itself as I went along.
Since then I’ve completed a Cert 4 in Small Business Management, and a Diploma in Digital Marketing. There have been many ups and downs but I have met some amazing people, learned a wealth of new skills, produced some great work and results for my clients, and I even won the Redland Woman in Business Award in 2016 🙂 .
If I hadn’t been “pushed” by the redundancy, I would probably never have become a business owner, an incredible experience which I have embraced wholeheartedly.
And now?
I think I’m on the threshold of a new chapter.
One child has left home; it looks like the other will be leaving the nest in the next few months – ironic really as we’ve just moved into a bigger house!
Our daughter is getting married next year (how exciting!), and there is a lot of stuff going on behind the scenes which could mean quite a few changes – not all of them ones that I particularly want, but that’s life, isn’t it.
I tell people that life is like a book. Sometimes you’ve just got to turn the chapter. Even if you don’t understand it, turn the chapter and move away from it. You don’t know all the good things that are ahead of you yet.
Danny Gokey
Future Chapters
Hopefully there are many many chapters of my life still to be written!
I suppose down the track we will retire, and spend some time as grey nomads; and I’m definitely looking forward to the Grandma chapter too 🙂 .
When I look back over the various chapters of my life, they are rarely connected to material things like houses or cars. Rather, they are connected to people and relationships, looking for purpose, and certain events.
What would you call the Chapter of Life that you now find yourself in?!