The husbear and I were watching The IT Crowd on the weekend, and one of the scenes was heartbreakingly familiar.
In this particular episode, the company was celebrating a new computer system and the big boss was thanking all and sundry for their involvement in the project, from the Accounts crew to the Toilet Cleaners (yes really!).
But he forgot to acknowledge the IT Department, whose project it had obviously been.
It was funny but it also made me wince, because I’ve been there …
That Time I Felt Like the Invisible Woman
It was probably ten (or more!) years ago now that it happened.
Our church had just moved into a brand new building, and held a celebration to thank and recognise everybody involved with making this massive project come to fruition.
The husbear scored a big mention – after all, he had played a huge role on the church board and the building committee, turned up at countless working bees, and had single handedly organised and installed the sound and lighting system.
But as he and a few other key people were called to the front for a special award, (which he definitely deserved!), it felt like every single other person in the church had been thanked and had their moment in the spotlight.
Except for me.
I felt invisible.
It wasn’t as if I didn’t do anything!
But even if my role had been nothing more than freeing up the husbear from family duties, to allow him to do so much – surely that rated a mention?
The fact was I *had* been involved. For example, I was the driving force behind a fundraising cookbook with recipes from many different church members. I didn’t have much in the way of money or building related expertise to offer, but I gave willingly of my time and energy to support the project in whatever way I could.
It was like I didn’t exist.
I’m sure it wasn’t intentional. Our pastor at the time (a lovely man) would’ve had no idea, and would have felt terrible to learn how this oversight affected me.
I wrestled with my feelings of hurt and yes, anger. I berated myself for letting it trouble me so much. Was I guilty of pride?
You know what? I don’t think I was. My original intention and motivation was to help. I didn’t set out to seek accolades or thanks. But at the end of the day, when they were being handed out, OF COURSE I was upset to have been forgotten.
Why was I so devastated? It might not seem like much in the scheme of things. But not long afterwards, I went to a physiotherapist about problems with a sore shoulder. You would not believe the places that he targeted for massage and manipulation in a bid to ease the muscles – down my spine, my neck, even under my arm! When I expressed surprise, he explained it this way:
Think of your pain as like a light bulb. What we are trying to do, is find the switch or the trigger that is sending out the message for the pain to turn on.
What a powerful analogy! I realised that my hurt in the church building situation had in fact been triggered by something far deeper, and I had to hunt for the light switch.
I saw myself as a youngster, helping and supporting my (single) mother. I’ve mentioned before that she was troubled by severe mental health issues, to the point that I often felt like *I* was the parent – to her, and my younger siblings. I was never given any recognition, appreciation, thanks or support. The joys and freedoms of being a child / teenager were stolen from me, before I even reached high school.
Wired for Recognition
While the environment I grew up in definitely exacerbated my need for approval and praise, I’ve come to realise that I was actually born this way. It’s an integral part of my makeup, my personality, just one of many things which makes me, me.
Have you ever done an online quiz? Quite a while ago I did one and found that my Number 1 Self-Motivator is (surprise, surprise) Recognition. Ha! I already knew that!
It was one of the best nights of my life when I won my first business award in 2016 (I nominated myself, as it was a goal in my business plan).
Earlier this year I was named SEO Consultant of the Year in the Australian Enterprise Awards. I’ve been a bit shy about it and haven’t really done much to promote it (or myself). When I mentioned this to a very wise person they said: Did you force them to give you this award???? Obviously not! While I may never have heard of these awards before I was nominated, I still had to prepare a submission and go through the judging process. It means something!
And now I’m an Awardee of Merit in the Greater Women in Business Awards. Once again somebody else kindly nominated me, but I’ve still had to jump through lots of hoops to get to this point.
Next Friday (20th November) will be the (Covid-safe) awards ceremony, where the winners and finalists will be announced.
Whether I win or lose – really isn’t that important. It’s been such n incredible opportunity to reflect on my business, the goals I have achieved, and how I have embraced innovation and technology.
Does anybody else remember the episode of The Brady Bunch, where Jan was jealous of all Marcia’s awards and trophies? Not surprisingly it was one of my favourites!
I have to say, this is one of the things I am loving about being in business! While I’ve always prided myself on doing my best at whatever my job has been, awards and recognition were few and far between non-existent in my days as an employee.
Truth is, I don’t mind a bit of limelight now and then. I’m motivated by praise, approval, awards and recognition.
And I’ve come to realise – there’s nothing wrong with that. Can I have a HELL YEAH?!!
How important is recognition and praise to you?!