I Must Confess: I was homeless as a teenager.
After testing your “powers of perception” recently, it seems you would like to know more about my back story.
The whole sorry saga would take forever, so I’ll just share this one tiny tale today.
I was generally a good kid and a model student throughout my teen years. I was too terrified to be anything else; my Mother had “Borderline Personality Disorder” and a host of other mental health issues – on a scale of 1 (least affected) to 10 (ruled by the disease), I’d have to say she had it at about a 12!
It was like living with Jekyll and Hyde – moment to moment, I never knew which version of my Mum I was going to encounter.
I was constantly stressed, and spent my days treading on eggshells. There was no rhyme or reason as to what would flip her internal switch, and send her into an abusive rage.
How I became Homeless as a Teenager
I was 19, and had just finished Teacher’s College, when everything erupted.
To this day I’m not sure if I was kicked out of home or if I just couldn’t take it any more – a bit of both really!
That night I crashed at a friend’s place; for the next two months I was homeless. I survived by “couch surfing”, staying at various friend’s houses.
I had no job, no money, and absolutely no idea what to do.
It was the scariest, most demoralising time of my life. Sadly there were some who took advantage of me when I was most vulnerable. (If only an organisation like Sheltered by Grace had existed then!)
Eventually I managed to get the dole, and then some work as a checkout chick … finally I moved into a shared house with 3 other young women from my church.
Piece by piece, I slowly put my shattered life back together …
To become the happy and flourishing Middle Aged Mama that I am today!
Please don’t feel sad for me – I’m fine now really!
While I wouldn’t say I was homeless, it came close. I would say even though I had a mother I felt mother less to an extent. Still do… but I like the saying what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. You’ve done really well for yourself. You should be proud!
“Even though I had a mother I felt motherless to an extent”. Yes – I know exactly how this feels. Also, how it feels to have to PARENT my mother!
Agree with Rachael. You should be so proud. I’m really such a Mummy’s girl to this day. I would never have coped with that at age 19. It sounds like you could write a book about your life, Janet.
While I have never been homeless and cannot imagine what it was like to be in your position, I did spend about the first year of university sleeping on the lounges of friends and moving from place-to-place friend-to-friend. It wasn’t that I had nowhere to go – I had room and board at a little old lady’s house – but I think that living away from home for the first time I felt lost and alone and was trying (too hard) to connect with people. I ended up renting with a couple of guys I used to couch surf at, so I didn’t feel like such a free loader in the end!
I hated feeling like a free loader but what could I do?! As you say, I was relieved when I could start paying my own way!
What a thing to have in your life Janet, it must have been so difficult for you because at the end of the day we all love our parents despite their demons. A cat always lands on their feet though, this has just made you a stronger, wiser cat lol.
CATS rock!!!!! And yes, you’re right, as kids we still love our parents no matter what. When I found out my Mum died a few years back, I was absolutely devastated, despite everything. Because, she was my Mum xxx
Congratulations on rising from such difficult beginnings to build such a great life, you should be very proud! I too spent a period of time homeless as a teenager, but it was more due to my own demons and refusal to address them than any fault of my parents.
And I’ll bet your folks are just so happy with how you’ve turned out today, giving them 5 lovely grandchildren! xxx
I can’t imagine how it must have been to have an unstable home life, I have been very fortunate in that instance. And from what I can tell you appear to have risen to all challenges you’ve faced Janet. I admire you strength and honesty x
When I read your posts about the things your mother put you through it makes me so sad, and worried. I don’t want to hurt Dyllan in the same ways. I got kicked out of home when I was 18 and went and lived with my Granny, my mother tried her hardest to get my Granny to kick me out as well. I believe my mum has an undiagnosed mental illness but getting her to seek treatment for it is a completely different story. I’m hoping that with me seeking treatment, I can help break the cycle.
Tegan, my Mum was undiagnosed when I was small (BPD didn’t even exist as a diagnosis back then!), doctors didn’t know what to do with her! Like you say, quite possibly your Mum had an undiagnosed mental illness as well.
In my case, it didn’t help that Mum refused to acknowledge she had a problem (everybody else had the problem) and wouldn’t stick with therapy or medication. We know so much more about BPD now and even better, we know it can be treated effectively! I’m sure your son will grow up just fine xxx
I’m sorry to hear this Janet but pleased that you are stronger and happier for the experience. Dealing with mental health can be hard, especially so when the person themselves can’t accept the diagnosis. Thanks for sharing your story Janet x
I am always amazed at the experiences you have had when you were younger, so glad everything worked out in the end. One of my friends has a mother who has issues with alcohol and mental illness-the concept of a mother treating own flesh and blood this way is unthinkable to me, but then again I don’t suffer from a mental illness-it seems a very complex thing to manage in your life.
Good for you Janet. I applaud your strength in overcoming such a difficult childhood and making a success of your life. You are a woman to admire! 🙂
You just never ever know do you?
You’ve done extremely well Janet. You seem such a well-balanced, serene and happy person despite all of that. Yes… you could easily write a book.
Thanks for sharing your story Janet… I was only talking the other day at work about our students who ‘couch surf’ but probably don’t it realised they are homeless (which is a good thing I suppose).
Am glad you managed to land on your feet and are here sharing your stories with us today!
Learn from the past and be happy from experiences. I think your a good writer indeed! 😀
Thanks for sharing your story. I also grew up with a mother who was mentally ill, and can relate so much to this post, and a lot of the comments. I was definitely more of a ‘parent’ than a child also. I was kicked out of home every second week, and eventually took control of my own life by moving out when I was 18. I was lucky, I moved in with my boyfriend at the time, and his family, but had to defer uni so I could work to support myself, and never ended up going back. Good on you for working so hard to put your life back together xx
And you too Jane – they do say what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger xxx
I’ve never been homeless but I can imagine how scary and terrifying it could be, that’s why I never have the guts to run away from home even though I often have thoughts about doing it since I was teenager. Typical problems with mothers. So I waited till I graduated from uni and had a job to support myself and finally ‘left home’ by moving to work overseas.