Middle Aged Mama

Blogging about my Midlife Adventures

Message from Heaven

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Bugs bunny tie
This is a scan of the tie I found

In 2011, I found out that my mum had passed away – four and a half years earlier!

As I was putting the wheelie bins away a couple of days later, I noticed a tie on the road just in front of my house. Although it was a bit muddy and wet, I could clearly see Bugs Bunny grinning at me.

I picked it up, mud and all, and stared at it.

You see, when I was a tiny tot, my Mum used to call me her little bunny rabbit. I had rabbits on my first cutlery set, and a Bunnykins bowl. There were even bunnies on my paint apron as you can see in the photo below.

My favourite TV show was Bugs Bunny, and Mum used to tell a funny story of how I couldn’t pronounce Bugs Bunny and instead called him “Gugs Gunny”. She would patiently sound out “B – b – b – b – b – b – b – b – b – b – Bugs Bunny” to help me learn to say it properly, and I would ever so carefully repeat “B – b – b – b – b – b – b – b – b – b – Gugs Gunny!”

When I saw Bugs Bunny on the ground in front of me, I couldn’t help thinking that somehow my Mum was sending me a message from heaven, that she was well and happy, remembering the good times and letting me know how much she loved her little girl.

This was a very special sign to me. Mum and I (and in fact mum and all of my siblings) were estranged for a number of years before her death. She suffered from bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder which grew worse as she got older.

Despite the fact that we hadn’t spoken for many years, I had worked hard at forgiving her (growing up with her as a parent was not exactly a bed of roses) and had reached a place where although I didn’t want to renew contact, I sincerely hoped and prayed that she had found peace and happiness in her life.

Her severe mental issues robbed me of my mother many years before she actually passed. I liken it to Alzheimer’s, where as the illness takes hold and the memories fade, the person becomes just a shell, no longer themselves. The mother I knew and loved as a child disappeared a long time ago, eaten away from the inside out by the bitterness and mental torment she suffered.

Maybe it was just a coincidence, but to me, that Bugs Bunny tie is very precious – a message from heaven.

I have washed it and now keep it in a drawer with other sentimental keepsakes and I’m grateful for the comfort it has brought me.

“Coincidence is God’s way of remaining anonymous” – Albert Einstein

Joining in with Flashback Friday, hosted by Cathy at The Camera Chronicles.

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Comments

  1. Janet, this was an extremely moving post. Thank you so much for sharing it as part of Flashback Friday. I really hope your Mum is at peace and I’m so glad you found that tie. Mental illness is a terrible thing to see someone you love suffer from. I love that last quote and do believe in signs from God xxx

    • Thanks Cathy. I still can’t quite believe that out of all the ties in the world, this one ended up on my doorstep at exactly the right moment …

  2. Janet, this post moved me to tears! How sad for your mum and you and your siblings. Mental illness, just like any illness is so sad and difficult. I truly believe you are right and that tie was sent to you as a message from heaven. What a lovely keepsake to have. I adore that quote by Albert Einstein. Thanks for sharing this story. Min xo

  3. What a meaningful post, Janet. Isn’t that just like our amazing God to send such a personal and hopeful message like that? I love how you are real about mental illness. Hugs xo

  4. Gosh, you must have had some very difficult and isolating experiences growing up in those circumstances. You show amazing strength to have worked through it to the point of forgiveness and even, now, special memories. It’s also a good reminder to us as parents that it is often the ‘little things’ that people remember later in life.

    • Thanks for your kind words Lara. It’s taken a long time – I do feel for my hubster because I think I was pretty messed up when we were first together – but I think I’ve come a long way since then!

  5. Beautiful post. Love the quote at the end.
    Inspired by your journey to turn difficult growing up situations to forgiveness to precious memories

    FYBF

    • I hate it when in court, sometimes the lawyers try to excuse their criminal client by saying they had a tough childhood. To which I say, you may have had a tough childhood but it’s YOUR CHOICE how your adulthood turns out!

      • That’s very true. We sometimes forget that everyone has choices and that we are all responsible for our own actions.

  6. It must have been very hard for you and your siblings – you lost your mother mentally and emotionally even though she was physically still there. It’s great that you do have those happy memories of her from your childhood and that you received such a lovely reminder. Rach xx

    • I feel for my younger siblings Rachel, as they don’t have good memories to fall back on 🙁

  7. What a touching post and isn’t it amazing how the universe works sometimes? That message was meant for you 🙂 I love the quote too.

  8. A beautiful thing to remember your mum by. It interesting hearing the other side of Borderline. One of the things I strive for is to not have my Mental Illness alienate my son. It’s something I struggle with lately but having him not messed up like I was, is a driving factor. I’m so glad that you are doing so much better now. It’s amazing the strength we find within ourselves.

    • Hi Tegan, the fact that you are aware of it and trying to protect your son, indicates to me that you are a great mum and doing your best! As far as I am aware, my Mum was never diagnosed with BPD (it wasn’t even a diagnosis in those days) but I have spoken to a psychiatrist since & we are pretty sure this is what plagued her. My Mum would never admit to having a problem – the problem was always everybody else – so the fact that you acknowledge and doing your best (which is all any of us can do) is a HUGE step in the right direction. Your son is lucky to have you for his mum!

  9. My mum also had a rather unpleasant unbringing but she has devoted her life to treating her children how she wishes she had been treated. And I can see you are such a sweet, caring and awesome mumma as well. I really love that you found that tie, I believe in signs, and I’m also happy that it gives you comfort. Thanks for sharing. Em xx

    • Thanks Em – it is a joy for me as a mama to have a wonderful relationship with my own two kids, especially now they are reaching young adulthood 🙂

  11. This is beautiful. I’m a big believer in signs from our loved ones from the other side, and you’re right it’s such a comfort. x

  13. Your Mum most definately sent that tie, there is no doubt. Simply perfect! You are one amazing woman to be so together but your poor Mum, how she must have suffered too.