You would think that once your kids are grown, mother guilt would no longer be an issue.
I’m here to tell you: it ain’t so.
Sure, I’ve shared before about why I’ll never win parent of the year, and other assorted bad mummy moments here on the blog. But they dated back to when our children were small.
So why is it a problem now? What has triggered my case of middle aged mother guilt?
Hubster and I are in the midst of planning a trip to Europe for our 25th wedding anniversary next May. Exciting, yes?
Until we realised that Mr 20 has a birthday just days after our anniversary, and while we will most likely still be overseas. And not just any birthday – his 21st!
Cue mother guilt overload!
What sort of a mother misses such a milestone in her child’s life?
It’s not like my friend, who also booked a European vacation with her husband – only to discover their very first grandchild was due to arrive while they were away! Fortunately their daughter forgave them for not being psychic about the impending arrival 😉 .
Whereas I’ve had 21 years to know that this important occasion was looming!
When we discussed our dilemma with Mr 20, he gave us his blessing to go on our trip and celebrate his birthday on another date.
But I’m still feeling a tad conflicted.
Dratted mother guilt – please tell me it leaves too when the children fly the nest?!
Jut overcompensate for it by buying him a new car or something. LOL.
Knowing the hubster, I’m sure we will (though maybe not a new car, he already owns a better one than we do!)!
As the grown child of parents who constantly suffer from itchy feet, I am telling you not to feel guilty. It’s good for us ‘kids’ to stand on our own feet while you’re away. To realise that as much as there are special milestones, the world doesn’t revolve around us. We know our parents have busted their asses raising us and now it’s a wonderful chance for them to do something for themselves. Gives us something to aspire to! All you’ve got to do is make a big fuss from overseas. Organise a delivery of something. Make a call/skype etc. Think of cute ways to surprise him on the day. Buy him a gift he can’t get at home 🙂 I’m sure he’ll be fine. As the grown child…I think you should be more worried about what HE will get up to hahaha.
I think you’re right Kez. We went away for a few days down the coast earlier this year, and they told us they were secretly hoping we’d stay away longer, they loved having the place to themselves! (And if they had any wild parties while we were gone, they did an awesome cleanup job 😉 coz we couldn’t tell)
Don’t stress too much. 21st birthdays are less of a milestone now, especially since voting and other privledges and rights now begin at 18.Nine(ish) years ago I had a posh shindig (paid and arranged by my parents), but that was because I had no plans to get married and at the time, I hadn’t attended Uni, so it was meant to be a milestone celebration. Traditions change over time, and each household is different. I know that wouldn’t have begrudged my parents celebrateing 25 years of marriage if they chose to go on holiday instead.
That’s pretty much what Mr 20 said. We made a big fuss of his 18th, not that he wanted it, he is a bit of a hermit. I joke that his room is the “bat cave” and he is a vampire ie sleeps during the day, up at night! Being in hospitality it works out well with his working hours but I think it’s his natural inclination anyways 😉
Oh I feel your pain, I would be devastated and then in all likelihood the celebration may end up being not more than a dinner. So I agree with him celebrate big when you get home and let him enjoy his birthday with his mates x
Knowing our son, you’re right – he’s not one for a big party/occasion.
My third son took off to Thailand with his girlfriend on his 21st so I missed out! Don’t be guilty Janet. It’s just a date and you can make it up to him x
LOL I like his style!!! These days I think the 18th is probably a bigger deal anyway.
The fact you feel guilty shows what a good mother you are. But now that your son has given you his blessing for your holiday, go and enjoy it without any guilt, and spoil him upon your return. 21 years devoted to your family you deserve a special holiday with your hubby.
Naw thanks Ingrid xxx
That is a dilemma. I don’t think I could be as strong as you and take the trip and not be around for my son’s 21st. Knowing my son, he would be devastated! But you do have to live your own life and as the others have said you can celebrate with him either before or after your trip.
When I was pregnant with Esther my parents were going to be in Europe when she was due to be born. My parents changed their trip because someone would have to look after our plumbing business while they would be away and it was going to be a tad difficult while mothering a newborn! Don’t feel guilty with your son. May is the perfect time to visit Europe. Just spoil him before you go. 🙂
Have you been to Europe in May? I’ve been checking and it looks like it will be a bit cool, which makes it harder to pack – winter clothes are so bulky!