Pocket money is a hot topic when your kids are small – because it seems every parent has different ideas about how much it should be, and whether it should be payment for chores or “just because”.
Once your kids have grown up, the issue changes to: Should adult kids pay board?
Like pocket money, it is handled differently in different families. Some parents don’t charge board; others put it away secretly in a savings account to present to their child when they leave home, or want to buy a house.
I’m a bit of a cow mean old mother; in our house, the kids pay board.
How Much Board Should Adult Kids Pay?
But when should kids begin paying board? And how much should it be?
I was raised by a single mother struggling on a pension. When I started teacher’s college, Mum no longer received any child allowance (or whatever it was called) for me; instead, I received a study allowance, and was expected to pay board from that to help contribute to the family’s coffers.
The hubster on the other hand, lived at home free of charge until we got married, although he *was* strongly encouraged save hard for his first home from the moment he started work.
When the hubster and I discussed it, we decided that we wouldn’t ask our kids to pay board until they completed full-time studies. At this point, we asked for 10% of their take home pay each week – as both of them started out on casual wages, we thought that was fairer than a set amount of say $50 or $100 each week.
So why did we ask our children to pay board? It’s not as if we suddenly needed it to continue running the household. Rather, it was about teaching our children that reaching adulthood might mean extra privileges – being able to drink alcohol, go out, drive, etc – but it also came with responsibilities. Nobody gets a free ride in life and the sooner they realised it, the better.
We used to joke that Miss 18’s board paid for the hot water bills (she of the long hot showers!), while Mr 21’s went towards the power bill (he of the “I can’t live without air conditioning 9 months of the year” tribe) – and there was probably a fair amount of truth to it.
The kids were still expected to do certain household jobs, despite paying board. After all, that’s what would happen if they were renting or sharing a house.
At the moment, Mr 21 is looking for a job so we are only charging him a token amount of board. He is not eligible for Centrelink yet so has been living off his savings. I’m not sure that he fully appreciates it though; Miss 18 doesn’t think he realises how lucky he is. She has been living out of home since January and pays $140 in a share house – so she *knows* just how good he’s got it!
What do you think – should adult kids pay board? And if so, how much?!
Ashleigh Mills - My Meow says
I didn’t pay board when I lived at home. I was saving to go to London. When I returned with another bloke at aged 28 we both loved there for three years and saved for our unit. We had a granny flat downstairs so bought our own food and paid some of the bills. I think the rule in our place was as long as I was saving it was OK. Thank goodness we were able to live there otherwise I would have never afforded our unit.
Janet Camilleri says
It’s good to encourage your kids to save. Unfortunately neither of mine seems particularly good at it – yet!
Ingrid @ Fabulous and Fun Life says
My kids are not at that stage in life yet but I like your rate of 10% of take home pay. I like the concept of introducing them to the responsibilities of paying rent/a mortgage albeit at a gentle pace!
Janet Camilleri says
Yes, it’s more about the principle than the actual amount.
Jody at Six Little Hearts says
One day I will charge my adult kids board if they’re living at home. I intend to open secret bank accounts and pay their money into them. When they move out, they will have some start-up cash to furnish their abode or put it towards a home loan.
Janet Camilleri says
Great idea Jody!
Kathy Marris says
I totally agree with everything you are saying. When my eldest son was living at home he very begrudgingly paid board, which was only about 10% of his wage. The reason he was reluctant was because none of his friends paid board at home! I just don’t get it. Why do parents allow their kids to live at home without contributing towards the cost when they are earning a good wage? It’s not exactly preparing them for venturing out into the wide wide world!
Janet Camilleri says
I know! It’s more about the principle of the thing rather than the amount – once they are paying board they are no longer your dependant.
Johanna Castro says
I agree, I think it’s showing respect, and is a mark of adulthood and responsibility. However, if they came home to save for something particular like a house or an important trip and it’s not long term board, then I tend to waiver the contribution or make it minimal.
Janet Camilleri says
That’s the great thing about … as parents we can use discretion for things like this, or if they are off work due to injury (as Miss 18 is at the moment; being casual, no work means no pay. Not that she lives at home, but it’s a good example).
Min@WriteoftheMiddle says
I agree with everything you’ve said Janet. We decided to not ask for board from the kids until they were in full-time employment. Twin2 is now in full-time employment. We’re giving him 1 month of enjoying every cent of his income and then we will be asking for board. We’ve taken a while to decide on how much though and it probably isn’t enough but we think it is appropriate for now. Great topic!! ๐
Janet Camilleri says
Min, I’m pretty sure most parents don’t charge “enough” or the going rate for room and board – but it’s more about the principle of it, than the amount.
Lyndall says
Totally agree with you Janet. I’m a bit of a mean Mum too, I guess. I think it’s important for kids to start paying board once they get a full-time job. After all, if they were living out of home, it would cost them a LOT more. Most people I know don’t charge anywhere near the true cost of accommodation, food and cleaning, so the kids still get an easy ride. No freebies here I’m afraid! ๐
Janet Camilleri says
Exactly!!!!!
Natalie @ our parallel connection says
I think board is a great idea but I think I might put it aside and give it back to them when they least expect it… Maybe I’m being a little am ambitious
Janet Camilleri says
It’s a nice idea Natalie x
JF Gibson says
I think it’s dependent on a few things. Although, we haven’t reached this stage yet I think if they are studying full-time then no, but I would expect they help around the house and do their own washing & ironing. If they are working well then I would expect they should contribute to the household income in some way, and help around the house etc. It’s really about teaching them financial responsibility and what ‘real life’ expects of you.
Janet Camilleri says
Mr 21 has applied to return to fulltime study next year, and we’ve already decided to waive any board while he’s studying.
KezUnprepared says
I think that charging board is a reasonable thing to do. I wasn’t home long once I turned 18 so I never really had to pay anything, but I was expected to take care of myself much like if I lived in a share house. It was something my parents put in place as soon as I finished school. It was almost an immediate change in the way I was treated! It was thrilling but also a reality check but one I was grateful for. I actually found it empowering. I also believe that we need to get kids ready for the real world – it’s a greater gift than if we expected nothing and gave them a free ride to make things ‘easier’ x
Janet Camilleri says
I think so too Kez, though they may not thank us at the time!
EssentiallyJess says
I think board is reasonable, especially if, like you said, they are earning. We are a long way off this, but I think I would likely charge something. If just to teach responsibility. But I guess I’ll see when the time comes.
Janet Camilleri says
It’s hard to know til you get there. It looks like we will be waiving board for Mr 21 soon, as he has applied to go to Uni fulltime next year.
Eva @ The Multitasking Woman says
It’s a good question and one I really haven’t thought about. Thinking back to when I lived at home, I don’t think I did but I left home as soon as I was able, around 18 and then I came back and then I left again. Actually, now I think back I think at one point I paid $50 a week or similar but one of my sisters didn’t. Now you’ve made me think! I’ll have to ask my parents. When it comes to my kids, who knows. It’s a long way away and I don’t know what the economy will be like so I guess I’ll make my decision back then but I like your reasoning behind it. ๐
Janet Camilleri says
I’m amazed by how many of the commenters on this post left home pretty much as soon as they turned 18! Which of course is what my own daughter has done … I miss her but I’m proud of her at the same time.
Vanessa says
I was 17 and 2 weeks old at my high school graduation. I started full time work at 17 and 1 month. From that moment (despite earning $13k/yr!!) I had to pay for my weekly train ticket, general personal expenses and board. I canโt remember what I paid. I think itโs critical to learn responsibility with money but I donโt think that it necessarily has to be via room and board.
Janet Camilleri says
Wow you were a young ‘un like me and Miss 18 – she graduated high school only days before she turned 17 – and I graduated two months before my 17th birthday!
Hugzilla says
I absolutely agree with you on this one as well Janet. I’m a big believer in encouraging adult children to be independent and learn life skills like how to pay for their study, accomodation, phones etc I don’t think we do them any favours by subsidising their lifestyles when they are old enough and earning enough to contribute. Not mean at all!
Janet Camilleri says
Thanks Zilla!
Leisa says
Totally agree. All mine did. It helped them learn how to manage their money and see that they too, were responsible for contributing to the running of the house. Now that I no longer live with them they are all quite adept at working out a budget together.
Janet Camilleri says
That sounds like you might have an interesting story … now that you no longer live with them. So instead of the kids leaving home, you left them to it?!
Toni @ Finding Myself Young says
I moved out of home as soon as I turned 18 so I never really had to pay board. Although I did learn about the value of money and cost of living. I was on a casual wage + centrelink and managed to pay $110 rent a week + food etc and still saved $6000 in a year {no idea how I did it looking back now}. My brother on the other hand moved out of home for a week then moved back until he was 24 or something. He knew how good he had it. I was too independent to live at home. I think we’ll be charging our kids board once they get proper jobs if they’re still at home.
Janet Camilleri says
You sound like my Miss 18! She has been out of home since the beginning of the year, works casual and is still managing to save for a trip to Europe in March!
Claire @ Life on Wallace says
Oh I absolutely think adult kids should pay board! I left home when I was 18 to study at Uni so it wasn’t an issue I ever faced, but I agree with you, there’s no such thing as a free ride. Visiting from #IBOT
Janet Camilleri says
It’s another life lesson for kids … just like we try not to give them everything on a silver platter as they are growing up. They need to learn the reward of working hard for the things they want and need!
Renee Wilson says
It sounds like you have a pretty fair arrangement there, Janet. I don’t know what I’ll decide to do with my kids. I didn’t pay board when I lived with my parents. I saved my money and was able to buy a house when I was 22 rather than rent. The prices were A LOT cheaper back then. When I returned to live with mum and dad with a husband child years later when our house was getting built, we paid rent then ๐
Janet Camilleri says
Sounds like you had your head screwed on right ๐ … some kids need the “extra encouragement” to learn good habits about saving …
Pinky Poinker says
When I asked my son to pay board a few years ago he was affronted. “I don’t like the thought of you making money out of me, Mum.” was his laughable response. He wound up paying thirty dollars a week towards electricity (when he remembered). I don’t think we can compare the situation to what it was when we were kids but even so. They do need to fork out.
Janet Camilleri says
Yeah Mr 21 originally said much the same but I think his sister has told him to pull his head in!
Annette Young says
My daughter is nearly 21 and I have just asked her to pay board to help contribute to household expenses. She is a full-time uni student, works part time and receives a Centrelink benefit for her studies also. Miss almost 21 was so angry and upset by our request…….she believes that she shouldn’t have to pay board until she has a full time job.
Rob S says
Ha.! I have been confronted with “I can not justify paying board while you spend money on alcohol”
This from one of my 23 yearold twin daughters who has never left home.
We are not alcoholics and spend no more than an averahe couple on alcoholic beverages.
Am I wrong to feel as angry ad I do with her response?
Janet Camilleri says
No! I would be annoyed too. Our kids sure have the ability to wind us up hey? God forbid we should judge any of THEIR lifestyle choices, while they quite happily put ours down. It doesn’t matter how you spend your money – it’s none of their business. The fact is if they weren’t living with you they would be paying through the nose for somewhere to live; they should definitely be putting something towards household expenses. Our Mr 22 can be a bit like that too (selfish). How dare we expect him to actually clean a toilet or take the bins out? His sister, Miss Almost 20, moved out over a year ago and regularly tells us – and him – he has NO IDEA how lucky and “spoiled” he is, still living at home. And if you do charge them board and they don’t like it – what’s the worst that can happen? They’ll move out??! Is that such a bad thing?