Have you ever spent any time as a patient in an Intensive Care Unit (ICU)?
Ready for surgery
I was quite nervous about my first ever operation – a hysterectomy, in 2012 – and didn’t really know what to expect. My worst nightmare however was to wake up with a tube still down my throat …
Unfortunately, that is exactly what happened.
I had a brush with death.
Although the operation itself had gone smoothly, once I was in recovery I stopped breathing and had to be resuscitated.
Waking Up in Intensive Care
The first thing I knew of it was when I woke up the next morning in intensive care!
As I gradually returned to consciousness, I felt the nurse stroking my hair, and repeating my name softly.
The nurse filled me in briefly on what had happened, and assured me that everything was fine now – you mean it wasn’t?! What had I missed?!
A doctor soon joined us and asked me a number of what I thought were stupid questions – What year was it? Who was the prime minister? (Apart from anything it was pretty hard to answer with a whopping great tube down my throat!)
I now know that they were checking to see if the lack of oxygen had led to brain damage. Fortunately it seemed I was okay (though some may debate this!)
So what was it like to be in intensive care?
Horrible.
I felt so miserable that when I was first told I’d nearly died, I almost wished that I had.
My head throbbed – it sounds silly and like it would be the least of my worries, but it was agony. I think it may have been a combination of caffeine withdrawal and a remnant of the general anaesthetic. Plus, there was building work going on in the hospital so the noise of the various hammers and drills made my head feel like it was going to explode.
Because I’d had an emergency intubation – obviously not a gentle procedure – my throat was raw and sore – and the tube itself made me want to gag. I knew I was going to throw up but had no way of communicating that to the nurse beyond gesticulating wildly. I felt so helpless as she had to clean me up and change my gown.
Lying on the bed was anything but comfortable – I was hot and sweaty, and the plastic underlay made it feel like a sauna.
My eyes were stinging, and incredibly painful – perhaps another consequence of the anaesthetic. I eventually managed to communicate this to the nurse and she gently wiped them with a damp facecloth. Such relief!
I don’t actually have any photos from my time in intensive care –
this was after I’d been moved to a general ward
I had my own nurse watching over me 24 hours a day, as I was still unable to breath on my own and the machines kept beeping every time I stopped.
I was so groggy I could barely keep my eyes open.
At first I was allowed to sleep, but later they tried to get me to wake up by moving me into an armchair next to my bed. The nurse kept talking to me and it was all I could do to try and focus on her face, without closing my eyes, and not just slide off on to the floor.
As I became more aware, I stared at the clock on the wall. Each minute seemed interminable. Day and night melted into each other. There were no windows, and the lights were always on, so I had no idea of what the time meant unless I was told.
The staff chatted and laughed and although normally this wouldn’t have bothered me, it was agony. My poor head. How I wished they would just SHUT UP!
Family members were allowed to visit for a few minutes, and only two at a time. Their faces were creased with concern, their eyes filled with tears; I was so sick and weak there was nothing I could do to comfort them or let them know I was okay, beyond squeezing their hands when they held mine.
What a terrible fright I had given them all. To think I had experienced a brush with death, and they’d very nearly lost me.
This photo was taken on our son’s 18th birthday, 2 weeks before my surgery
I have never felt so much relief as when that damn tube was finally removed … which meant I was recovering and would not need to be in intensive care much longer.
48 hours after my operation, I had a shower (which was so lovely) and it was only as I stripped off that I realised what a close call I’d had – because there in the mirror was the evidence – the area over my sternum was stained black and blue from the CPR.
At last I was released to a general ward, and only a couple of days after that, I was able to go home.
Waiting to be discharged
I was one of the lucky ones – I only spent a weekend in intensive care.
Now when I hear the news, and reports of accident victims and the like being in “a critical condition”, my heart goes out to them (and their loved ones) – because I know only too well what it is like to be in intensive care …
Have you ever been in intensive care?
What a horrible experience, glad you came out ok!
Yes must confess I’m rather glad too!!!
I’ve never been and after reading that, I never want to and I don’t want anyone I know to need to go into intensive care! Thank heavens you came out the other side to talk about it!
Despite all the TLC I received from staff and family, it was not a nice place to be.
Gosh that WAS a horrid experience…what a time for you. Was there any reason given to you at a follow up why you did stop breathing?? Janet, you have a terrible memory of this. How did it feel writing about it? Frightening just to read it. Glad, so glad you are OK now of course!! Denyse #teamIBOT
It was just one of those things Denyse. There was some talk that I may suffer sleep apnea, but hubster hasn’t ever noticed I really don’t know. Or it could have been too much anaesthetic maybe? Looking back on how awful it was I feel so happy to be where I am today – well, healthy, enjoying my family and life itself!
God, that sounds so very scary! So glad you came out the other side ok. I think the nurses that work everyday in intensive care are just amazing, what a hard job they have!
Yes, they were amazing, I was too sick to even try to show I was grateful, but I truly was.
My goodness that’s a horrible experience! My friend was so sick last year with pneumonia she was in intensive care for nearly a week. I remember how weak she was months after, such a traumatic situation. I’m so pleased you were one of the lucky ones xx
That must have been awful, two days was enough for me!
Oh blimey, that was a worrying read. I haven’t ever been in intensive care and would rather not… crivens. What a worry. I’ve not read of the experience before either so this really was novel and illuminating too. A wee glimpse into a scary place. Imagine having to be there for months – awful.
Hubster had a friend who was in intensive care for a sudden medical problem, he could see his friend wanted to just give up and sure enough he died only a couple of days later. After my experience, I can begin to understand why he felt like that.
I’ve never personally been in ICU, but I’ve had a child in NICU. Our son that never came home with us. They are frightening, terrible places to be in. Yet, I am so grateful that we have the kind of care in Australia where most people do get to go home after being in intensive care.
Oh I am so sorry to hear this Robyna, I had no idea. Our son was briefly in NICU to have his lungs pumped (not sure of the correct terminology) as he was having trouble breathing after swallowing too much muck during the birth and it was absolute torture. I can’t begin to imagine what you have been through. I truly apologise if I have triggered difficult memories for you xxx
Aww Janet you look so cute and helpless with that teddy bear!! What a scary experience for you. The worst I’ve had is being woken up from a laparoscopy and told they had struggled to intubate me. I was very raw and sore after that too x
It’s horrible isn’t it Renee – I could barely talk for several days. And the teddy is Sophie, a stuffed toy puppy I was given about 10 years ago – you can read her story here: https://middleagedmama.com.au/i-still-take-a-stuffed-toy-to-bed/
I’ve been in intensive care a couple of times so I understand your feelings. The first time I was in there was probably the worst because they had initially moved me to the general ward and then everything went downhill again. I remember talking to a nurse and then everything going black. I felt so grimy too, and hated that I had to rely on someone else to shower me. I remember the first time they got me out of bed I had to use a walking frame type thing. The young guy who was helping me was so attractive and I remember feeling so embarrassed as he held shut my gown.
Oh yes, I forgot about that – I felt sweaty, my hair was greasy, and just yukky all over. That’s why a shower after 2 days was absolute heaven, even if I did need help – female nurse luckily 😉
I’ve never come close to an ICU and hope I never do. I always think how invasive and awful it all looks – and I can imagine how good that shower felt when you finally got to have it. Hospitals are not my favourite place (although I work in one!) I steer clear of the wards and the horror stories make me cringe – so glad you came out okay.
The ICU nurses are always the best in the hospital in my opinion! They know their stuff and are so caring.
I’m glad you only had to spend a weekend in the ICU however.
Yes, very thankful for that.
Not a great experience for you Janet, but thankfully you came out of it OK.
My Mum was in intensive care a number of times, as we nearly lost her on three occasions. My brother and I grew up in and around hospitals because our Mum had dozens of operations and ongoing health issues all her life.
Thank goodness for wonderful nurses, doctors and hospital staff who do their level best to make a bad situation just that little bit better. #TeamLovinLife
I’m a little nervous of ever needing another operation … though at least now we know what to expect! Yes the staff were wonderful x
My worst nightmare – apart from not waking up at all that is. I know what it’s like to wake up with that tube down your throat. Mine was removed shortly afterward thank god. I cant imagine what it was like to have it in for so long after you were awake.
It was awful Jan. Sorry to hear you know the feeling too x