About That Live Stream Domestic Abuse Video …

Is there a person in Australia NOT horrified by “that” live stream domestic abuse video, of Sydney gamer Mr DeadMoth?

It’s painful to watch and to hear what is going on just off screen; it definitely sounds like he hit his partner multiple times. My heart broke when the little ones started crying, terrified by their parents’ appalling behaviour.

Yes, I said parents’ in the PLURAL, not parent’s in the singular – because it seems to me that while his actions are disgusting and totally unacceptable, there is some fault on both sides.

Who Started It?

No, I’m not saying she asked for it. However, it does seem she started the violence by throwing things at her uncooperative partner.

I’ve blogged before that contrary to popular thought, women can be violent too –  but it’s not just something I have seen and witnessed firsthand. 

One Australian research team discovered that nearly one in three couples experiences violence in their relationship during pregnancy – and that it is just as likely to be the woman that starts it!

And while Mr DeadMoth definitely should not have hit his partner – I can’t help but wonder if she was putting on a bit of a performance for the camera. Or am I being cynical?

In this instance, I do feel sorry for the young woman, as he is clearly rude, inconsiderate, selfish, immature … and I could go on.

In her position, I would have felt rejected, upset, frustrated and annoyed too. His assumption that he goes to work to pay the bills, and is therefore entitled to “time out” on his video game, makes my blood boil!

I wonder if she gets a chance each night to sit on her backside and lose herself in a video game / good book / TV show – without having to keep an eye on the children – like he does? I’m guessing it would be pretty rare. Like many men, he takes it for granted that she will be the one to look after the children, even if both parents are home.

Watching the footage, I think we can safely assume that this is not the first time his obsession with video games has created problems in their relationship. 

We all need time out, just doing our own “thing”, and pursuing our own interests which don’t necessarily interest or include our partners. In our house, I will often bury my nose in a good book, while my hubby can lose hours watching pointless videos on Youtube – and yes, there are times when we are guilty of ignoring the other perhaps when they are wanting our company and attention. But does that make it okay to resort to violence to make our point?

Should he have been sacked?

Public reaction to the incident has also troubled me, and again, it raises more questions than answers … 

If it’s so shocking and disgusting – why have the media played it over and over and over again?

Not only has Mr DeadMoth has been arrested and charged with assault, he has lost his job over the incident – and I can’t help wondering why. How do either of these sanctions help? And what relevance does it have to his  performance at work? Losing his job means that the young couple now won’t have a decent income to live on, creating further challenges in their relationship.

I raised some of these questions with a psychologist friend, who has a special interest in working with couples experience violence during pregnancy. As she pointed out, while “he” will probably be sent for counselling and/or punished by the law, what about her? The simple fact is both are in need of therapy, in order to change their  dysfunctional relationship and communication patterns – and for the benefit of their children.

There is so much more to this story than what is being reported in the media. And while I’m no expert or authority on relationships,  what I do know is that far too many love relationships end up as anything but. 

And that makes me sad 🙁 .