I have long lamented the lack of blogs by mothers of TEENS. It would be great to hear from others, to learn from their experiences, hear good advice, and other parenting tips. (Thank goodness for The Kids Are All Right, which does a great job of stepping into this gap).
But as a mother of two teens myself, I completely understand why other Mums aren’t blogging about the trials and tribulations of their teenagers.
Believe me, I have enough fodder to blog for years: Parties. Computers. Makeup. Household chores. Piercings. Gaming. Fashion. Curfews. Peer Groups. Smoking. Shoplifting. Sleepovers. Bullying. Dating. Anorexia. Cyberstalking. Truancy. Anorexia. Same sex relationships. Homelessness. Self Harm. Part-time jobs. Sexting. Rights and responsibilities. Porn. School. Leaving school. Binge Drinking. Queen Bees and Wannabes. Lying. Being Expelled. Tattoos. Drink Driving. Choosing a career.
You name it, we have encountered it – either directly through the lives of our own teens, or through their friends and peers. It’s a wonder my hair isn’t fully grey!
If I could pass only one tip on to other parents of teens, it is this: make sure you have a great relationship with your kids (of any age) and keep the lines of communication open.
It won’t prevent the problems that are part and parcel of raising teens, but it does make sure you still have a voice in your child’s life (even if it’s just a whisper).
And that’s why I don’t blog about my teens: because it is a sacred trust. The things they open up about, or that are going on in their lives – they don’t want available for the whole world to read. And my relationship with my kids is far more important to me than even the writing and blogging I so dearly love.
I’ve already made some moves to protect my kids on this blog – referring to them by age rather than name eg Mr 19 and Miss 16.
Personality-wise, my kids are like chalk and cheese.
Mr 19 is a bit of an introvert – a recluse who would be quite happy to be left in his cave (room) with his computer and other tech gadgets, only coming out occasionally in pursuit of food.
Miss 16 on the other hand has always had a very adventurous spirit and goes stir-crazy without people around.
Despite their differences, they stopped fighting a couple of years back and actually seem to have become friends, which I am very thankful for.
Finally, if you too are navigating the teen years, here are two books that have been a help to me.
- “He’ll be Okay: growing gorgeous boys into good men” by Celia Lashlie.
- “What Teenage Girls Don’t Tell Their Parents” by Michelle Mitchell
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Both these books are an eye-opener. Both offer a rare insight into the teenage psyche. Both will scare the pants off you at times, but reassure you at others. And both will remind you that THIS TOO SHALL PASS!
Do you have teens? What is the best piece of advice you could give to another parent about to head into the turbulent teen years?
Firstly, when I had my first child, my neighbour with a seemingly lovely 15 year old boy, said the most important thing is keeping communication going (and when I smiled that new parent patronising smile) she said “Sometimes that’s a lot harder than you can imagine”. It has stuck with me, and currently rearing it’s head.
Secondly, I think the reason parents of teens don’t blog (well, they do blog but not about their kids) is they’ve worked out parenting is not about them. The Mum is no longer a reflection on the Mother. The kids are people in their own right, and they’re behaviour is not necessarily a reflection of the adult. So the blogger goes back to blogging about themselves, not their kids. (My opinion, no judgement or reflection on anyone else)
Very true Lydia!
I still remember my teens like it was yesterday … and it looks like you are already following my tips by not betraying their trust and sharing everything on your blog. I believe it’s all about trust. Talking, sharing and treating with mutual respect goes a long way. No matter what you’re going to try to teach them or how you want to protect them … most of them want to learn it for themselves anyway, so just make sure you’re there when they need to be picked up again. Cheers, Alison #IBOT
You’re totally right Alison, they do have to learn it themselves, painful as it is for us to watch …
Good on you. I know I’ve tried to tell my husband to never tease our children about people they ‘love’ boyfriends/girlfriends, regardless of age, take them seriously. Because if we don’t when it’s serious they won’t come to us. I know this. I’ve lived in those shoes. I agree with you that communication is the key
Until my kids hit their teens, I thought good communication/relationship would PREVENT the problems. Alas, I now know that isn’t so. But it does help.
Absolutely agree Janet, communication is the key with kids of any age! I haven’t got to the teenage stage yet, but hope that Bell trusts our opinion enough to at least talk to us when she needs to. Looks like you’re doing a great job xx
Thanks Lisa – it can be a rocky road at times but we hang in there!
Good on you Janet for speaking up about this. Communication is very important! I still think they need space too.
Like any parent, all we can do is our best xxx
I don’t know if I want my kids to grow up now
Yeah, it’s not easy! You’ve got a few years yet though Jess with your big girl just turned 10.
There really is a quiet hush in the realm where parents of teens could be blogging. I’m here. with Mr 19, and Miss 17, 15 and 8 . It’s parenting in the trenches, hard work, silent work and usually thankless work. At least when you do something to please a baby you get a gummy grin.
I am careful to not over-share and any blog post referring to any of my teens is read and approved by them. Because their lives aren’t my story to share.
I agree with you. The trust between you and your teen is far more precious and so easily broken, than any credit you could seek from a blog post xxx
Hi Lisa, yes I make a point of checking any photos or mentions with my kids before putting them on the blog. I hear ya – yes we are “in the trenches”!!!! Sums it up exactly!!!!
Oh Man! I’m not there yet, but I have 3 girls, so I figure that the chances of at least one of them going off the rails is pretty good. It’s just a matter of figuring out which one!
I think they ALL go off the rails a bit – but hopefully they learn from these experiences and get back on those rails reasonably quickly.
I have three girls under 5. I’m thinking I’m going to need lots of help in the teen years. I also plan to take my blog in a different direction at that time (if I’m still blogging then).
I think it becomes a natural progression that as the kids get older, we start to blog about other things.
I don’t want to think about the reality of one day have two teen boys in this house – probaly both towering over their short little mumma! But I love that you say to have a voice in your child’s life – i think we need to build that voice from very early on xx
I’m actually dreading the teenage years but I know they’ll be much harder than what my three are going through now! I will DEFINITELY be calling you ass in 10 years time for advice 🙂
You never know – after all the monkey business you’ve had to put up with now, you might just breeze through the teen years!!!
I’m dreading the teen years. I hope that my Mr doesn’t have to go through feeling any of the things I did.
It’s never easy but having a loving and supportive mum can make a big difference!
I vote skipping the teenage years!!
Absolutely agree Janet. I don’t blog about my kids (twin boys 20.5 yrs, daughter 18) either. I do refer to them obviously as they are a big part of who I am, but I don’t blog specifically about them. I had to laugh when you referred to your son and his ‘cave’. I know all about caves – there are two of them at my house!! lol I have been quite lucky with my kids. There has been no drug related worries, no law breaking, no eating disorders etc However, there are always worries of one kind or another. Just keeping my fingers and toes crossed that they grow up to be good contributing adult citizens and have happy lives! Min xo
I have 12 year old, so it won’t be long till it is officially my teen parenting years. I walk it with great trepidation I tell you. The first nine years of parenting were such a breeze but I have already discovered how far from a walk in the park it can be!
I’m a fair way off yet, but luckily I have a few friends with older kids so I can watch and learn in the meantime!
This is my favourite line – “And that’s why I don’t blog about my teens: because it is a sacred trust.” I have a feeling this is why we don’t see more parents-of-teens bloggers. But thank you for sharing your experiences.
Thank you so much for your lovely words Colett xxx
every teenager has an evil twin. come to think of it, we ALL do.
As a mother of five ex and current teenagers I think I’ve seen a lot! My first two were angels but then the proverbial hit the fan with the other three AND it’s still going on! I’m sure some people disagree with the way I portray my teens (esp. the boys) but I hope they see the underlying love written between the lines. Janet, the biggest difference between you writing about your teens and me is that clearly I’m writing under a pseudonym and have given the kids aliases. Anyone who knows our family and reads my blog has already heard my incessant whinging about their antics anyway:) One thing I have been delighted to hear is that some mothers have thanked me for my honesty as there is quite a lot of hushing up what kids do and many families pretend that all is sunny and golden. My teens read my posts about themselves and laugh (usually). Lulu’s boyfriend actually reads it regularly and tells HER about it. Jonah hates me writing about him so I don’t. “Don’t put that in the blog” is a bit of a funny catch cry around here.
Miss 16 is usually happy to be on the blog, Mr 19 is more of a private person (like his Dad) – I always check with them first 🙂