For some time now, my kids have been ribbing me about my habit of “boasting” when I am chatting with friends.
Apparently, they find it irritating.
Well wouldn’t I boast? I told them. I’m just a proud mama!
But it turns out what they describe as “boasting” is actually very different to the meaning I give to the word.
They’ve noticed a lot of people do it – when chatting, in phone conversations, even in comments on my blog or on social media.
An Example of Boasting …
What they call boasting, is those times when Person #1 says something, and Person #2 shares about a similar experience they’ve had, or heard of. Here’s a real life example:
Person #1 (Me): My daughter’s hand was sliced in an ice skating accident, and she needed surgery.
Person #2: Oh that’s no good! I hope she’s okay. My sister/neighbour/cousin’s best friend’s husband had an accident at ice skating too, I heard that it took quite a long time to heal.
If this is boasting, I know that I am frequently guilty of it. For example, if you mention that you are going on/have just come back from a cruise, or a trip to Europe, no doubt I will ask questions about your experience – and then share some of mine.
When I finally worked out exactly what my kids meant by “boasting”, and heard how much it irritated them, I had to stop and think. Is it a selfish habit, that I use to try and bring the conversation – and attention – back to myself (which is what my kids seem to assume)?
Although there may be times when this is true (I’m not perfect!), for the most part it is a tactic that I use to build relationships, by finding common ground with the person I am speaking with.
The fact that my kids get so irked by it – and not just when I do it – makes me wonder if it is a generational thing? As a member of Generation X, it seems perfectly acceptable to me – in fact I can’t imagine trying to make conversation without it. Perhaps Gen Z has been affected by a lifetime of texting and so keeps conversation to a bare minimum.
Or maybe it’s because I’m an extrovert and love to talk 😉 , but seem to have raised a couple of introverts who don’t like to talk much about themselves.
So tell me, do you think of it as boasting or building relationships? And is it a conversational technique that you use?!
Linking up with Essentially Jess for IBOT.