“Breast is best,” the experts say. “It’s the most natural way to feed your baby!”
When ‘they’ say “breast is best” – what they really mean is that “breast is best for BABY”. But as I discovered, it’s not always true for Mum.
There is no doubt, human breast milk is amazing. It provides the baby with exactly the right nutrients for optimum growth and development, valuable antibodies are passed from the mother’s immune system to her baby, and it is also believed to provide protection from allergies. It’s convenient, portable and always just the right temperature!
When breastfeeding works, it truly is a remarkable thing. It’s even worth putting up with limitations on your post pregnancy wardrobe 😉 !
Trouble is, just because something is ‘natural’, doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s ‘easy’ …
Breastfeeding Baby #1
When my first child was born, I planned to breast feed until my baby was at least six months old.
Unfortunately, four months later I put my son onto formula at my doctor’s advice. Although I felt guilty, it WAS a relief and from that day forwards motherhood became a whole lot easier. Yes, even with all the washing and sterilising of bottles, and mixing up formula!
What Went Wrong
My son failed to thrive on the breast. By the time he hit four months he wasn’t gaining weight; he was losing it!
My heart breaks now when I look at photos of him as a little baby, even though we laugh and call him our ‘little Ethiopian baby’ – it is obvious that he was thin and malnourished.
But as a brand new parent it was not so obvious. Sure, I knew things weren’t going well – he cried a lot and seemed to need feeding constantly.
I sought help from the Nursing Mothers and was assured that of course my baby was getting enough milk, despite all my doubts. He was sleeping through the night, wasn’t he?!
So I persevered – until his four month checkup, when the doctor helped me to realise our baby was starving! Once he was on the bottle he thrived.
In time, I realised that our main problem was failure to attach properly.
Feeding was always painful. Attachment is crucial to successful breastfeeding – if the baby’s mouth is not correctly positioned on the nipple, it will not stimulate milk production. I never experienced my milk “coming in”, or that feeling of “letdown”; but as a first time mum, I didn’t realise these were missing.
Breastfeeding Baby #2
I consoled myself that at least my son had been given four months of mother’s milk, and that I had done the best I could.
But I was determined to get it right with baby #2.
Things went a lot better with my daughter – at first anyway.
When I left hospital on Day Three I felt confident that I’d finally mastered this ‘latching on’ thing. This was confirmed when my milk ‘came in’ the next day – oh the agony! My breasts were huge, swollen and sore, I ended up in a hot shower, tears pouring down my face as I massaged my breast to try and release all this milk. The things we do for our children!
Breastfeeding was going so well, my baby looked like a little pudding. At last I felt I’d ‘made it’ as a Mum.
However … what I didn’t realise was the toll breastfeeding was taking on my own body. All the nourishment was going into my baby, rather than me.
What Went Wrong
By the time my daughter was four months old I contracted a severe case of gastro and wound up in hospital on a drip. I was far too ill to care for my daughter and there was no choice for my family but to give our baby the bottle in my absence.
It was the beginning of the end. Just a couple of bottles and my illness combined, resulted in a radical decrease to my milk supply. Despite my best efforts, it just didn’t seem to work after that.
Only a month later I was hospitalised for several days with an abscess in one of the lymph nodes in my neck, and I received antibiotics intravenously.
At that point I realized that it was a blessing in disguise that my daughter was well on the way to weaning. Despite being separated from my baby for five days, I had very little breast tenderness and discomfort. Considering the amount of drugs that were pumped into my system, it was just as well that I was no longer nursing.
The moral of the story is:Â When it comes down to it, there are two people involved in the breastfeeding relationship – mother and baby – and it is up to them.
In an ideal world, breast is best for baby (if it works out).
However, there are also times (as demonstrated with my daughter) when it is not the best for the MOTHER – and her needs and health are important too, and will ultimately impact on her baby as well.
Over 20 Years Later
Today, my son is 23; my daughter is almost 21; and they are both thriving.
Did it really matter in the overall scheme of things, whether they were breastfed or not?
I rest my case!
Did you breast or bottle feed – and if you breast fed, what was your experience like?
Bec Senyard says
Love it Janet. I really enjoyed reading your journey with breastfeeding and hopefully some new mums read this and realise that ‘FED is best’ – whether breast or formula. Thank goodness we have the options available to us when breastfeeding is no longer viable. Thank you for sharing your story, and as you say, in the scheme of things, you have two children who are thriving. x
budget jan says
Thanks so much for sharing your story. I breast fed ours till they were two. It wasn’t easy with our first but it worked out in the end. I think there is too much pressure placed on mothers to breast feed. I persisted because my self esteem was linked with the idea. I don’t regret breast feeding in fact I loved it, but when it doesn’t work out it is important that the community encourages mum and bub to embrace formula feeding. Being a good mother has nothing whatsoever to do with breast feeding. It is to do with realising what is best for yourself, your child and family and making every attempt to have your child thrive. Luckily we have wonderful options for nourishing our babies.