We love Mr 20 and Miss Almost 18 dearly, but I would be lying if I said that our family life has been smooth sailing over the past couple of years.
Yes, the baby and toddler years were challenging – but in a completely different way. I think everybody “knows” to some extent what is involved in being a new parent – that it will be physically demanding, sleep becomes a thing of the past, and going to the toilet in peace will be a rare luxury.
But I don’t think we commonly realise what to expect as our children reach early adulthood …
Take My Family (Please!)
Only kidding 😉 . To the outside world, we probably look like the perfect “Tupperware family”: Mum, Dad, and the pigeon pair. Happy family. Stable parents. Good kids. And yet … we’ve had to deal with lots of stuff, which I’m not at liberty to share here.
I always thought if we gave our kids a loving home, raised them right, and kept the lines of communication open, things would be okay. I was wrong.
Teens will be teens, and have to find their own way … (And maybe because we were the “perfect family”, it hit us harder?)
I came across an article on parenting children as they prepare to leave the nest, by psychologist and family therapist Matt Ryan recently, and it really helped me to realise that we are not alone – in fact, this is perfectly normal.
According to Matt, families tend to function best as a benevolent dictatorship – meaning that Mum and Dad are lovingly and wisely in charge. Although parents are open to their children’s ideas and wishes, at the end of the day it is the parents who make the final decisions. (Although I’ve debated before about who wears the pants in our household, basically I have to agree with Matt’s theory.)
Growing Pains
But then the children grow up, and things change. And sometimes Mum and Dad aren’t ready for – or particularly good at – coping with these changes!
It is all about the children preparing to launch into the world – leaving home, finding new lives and eventually partners and families of their own.
If your family is struggling to adjust to this new stage in life, remember it’s completely normal – and maybe a session with a family therapist could be on benefit.
What has been the hardest stage so far in your family life?