In honour of the last day of the I Must Confess Linkup, hosted by the lovely Kirsty at My Home Truths, I’m making a really big confession.
Something I’m really embarrassed about. Only my immediate family knows this about me; in fact, I don’t even think my children know.
You see, for years, I was a head banger. And it’s got nothing to do with heavy metal music!
Toddler Headbanging
I would bang my head against the pillow to go to sleep.
Now if you are worried about your toddler headbanging, don’t be – most children outgrow it by the time they start school.
It started when I was a toddler, as a way of soothing myself to sleep; although hitting your head against the pillow rhythmically until you’re worn out doesn’t sound particularly soothing does it! My family used to call it “bonking” rather than headbanging – of course this was before the word became associated with other bedtime activities …
Some children suck their fingers or thumbs. Not me. I was a head banger!
So what? You might be thinking. No biggie.
Teen Headbanging
Until I tell you that I continued my little headbanging habit, well into my teens. I was nearly 20 when I stopped.
I broke the habit forever, the night I left home (or rather, got kicked out and became a couch surfer). I laid my head on my (borrowed) pillow, in a friend’s house, and slept like a baby. I have never needed or felt like headbanging, since!
According to my research, this problem appears most commonly in children with Autism; but being such a friendly, outgoing little girl, I clearly wasn’t autistic.
It can also be a sign of extra intelligence – and I guess this was true in my case. When I did an IQ test in teacher’s college, I had the highest in the group. I was never told the exact score, just that it was over 130 and meant I could have been eligible for membership in Mensa! Pretty sure I wouldn’t do anywhere near as well in an IQ test these days though. Ahhh, the joys of middle age … 😉 .
In hindsight however, my teen headbanging was a sign of massive anxiety. Which, given what I endured as a youngster (the trauma of being raised by an abusive parent with a severe mental illness), was not at all surprising.
Fortunately, I managed to stop headbanging when I had sleepovers, or went on camps. But at home – I couldn’t sleep without it.
As a teenager, I was terrified that I would never be able to get married, with such a distressing and embarrassing little bedtime habit!
Now I just feel enormous sadness for that troubled girl that I was – and thankful that I did eventually outgrow it.
Have you ever heard of toddler headbanging – or teen headbanging?! What was your little childhood habit?!