As a girl, I always dreamed of the day when I would get married and have kids.
By the time I was in high school, being a wife and mother was no longer thought of as a future “career” option … sure, it would likely be part of my life as a woman, but it wasn’t the be-all and end-all.
Once the hubster and I got married, I longed for the day when we would become parents. That magic day happened four years and one week after our wedding, when Mr 20 was born; Miss 18 completed our family two and a half years later.
Since then, the years have sped by. Our children are now grown; Miss 18 has recently flown the nest.
After spending most of my lifetime wanting to have kids, then being in the thick of raising them, I am now on the other side. I’ve done it. Mission accomplished.
Now what?!
I thought I was prepared for this – I even used to look forward to being “free” again. It’s not as if I’ve built my life solely around my children all these years. I’ve worked, I’ve studied, had other interests, friends, done volunteer work, and am closer to the hubster than ever …
But I Must Confess: my world has changed forever. There is a huge gaping hole in my life; the dream that propelled me forward for nearly 50 years, has been fulfilled.
While I’m grateful for that, I’m left feeling empty, and wondering just what next … and is there life after kids?
I know this too shall pass but it’s a really weird feeling in the meantime!
Linking up with My Home Truths.
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My eldest started year 11 this year and my youngest year 8 (first year of high school here in Perth) and I’m starting to realise that it won’t be long before they all fly the nest. I’ve had a rather overwhelming week with back to school crap and one part of me wants to hit fast forward on all this and another rewind. It goes by too quickly and I need to just stop, relax and enjoy each moment.
Yes, it’s hard to realise the end is in sight when you’re in the thick of it. It sneaks up on you unawares x
I’m in the same boat. Loved having my kids & everything that goes with it. Still have the youngest at home but not for long.
I’m glad I’m not the only one! We don’t really hear much about life on the “other side”, do we? Or is it just me?
Major transitions and changes do have the uncomfortable ‘weird’ about them, don’t they?
Motherhood is such an amazing and emotional journey, and while raising the kids ends, being a mum never does. Its interesting seeing someone about 10 years ahead of me, and what they’re experiencing at the moment – you’ll be needing to counsel me through this in a decade, Janet x
PS Love the recent pic of your kids : -)
LOL yes it was taken at Christmas – they both look very cheeky!
I can’t envision the time my children leave home. I don’t want it to happen too soon but I know that it will happen and possibly sooner than I will be ready for it. Unbelievably my twins started year 10 at school this year – where has the time flown to? I’m reading your blog posts about this phase in your life with interest Janet.
Thanks Ingrid, it’s always nice to know that somebody is enjoying my ramblings! x
I am loving being a parent. I was a late starter and even though I have years left with kids at home I am still not looking forward to them leaving. I love your pictures of you and your family over the years.
Julie
It truly passes in the blink of an eye – cherish every moment!
It is another phase in your life Janet and I believe there is an adjustment period of feeling lost and empty for a while. I miss my daughter terribly as she lives a couple of hours away and wonder if I would ever cope with her living interstate of overseas. As for my son, he drops in most days so I still feel as if I have him around to fill the void in my life. The upside is that you have more ‘me time’ and it also eases things financially not having kids at home to feed and provide for. Take it a day at a time and you will soon feel better. 🙂
It IS getting easier Kathy, and I am enjoying the time that we do spend with her, that much more now.
I’m right in the middle of my parenting (8,11,13,14) and hectic but I have thought about the time when I no longer have race around to their sporting events, pick up at friends and parties. We spend so much time on our children that we forget often to spend time on ourselves. If you ever want to head to a day spa.. I’m in….
LOL it’s a date 🙂
Yes it’s another phase of life but it’s one I’m looking forward to. Even though the eldest has left home, we still see her all the time and we’re still so much a part of her life … it’s wonderful! It’s also so rewarding to see them grow up, finish uni and make there own way in the world and I’m beyond proud of the beautiful, young women they are becoming. Hubby and I are avid travellers and all we can think about now are the places we will go and the things we will see … maybe travel is an option for you as well!
Yes, definitely – we are off on our first trip to Europe later this year! Miss 18 drops in a couple of times each week – we have “family dinner” on Monday nights – which I am loving.
I can’t even imagine Mr 5 leaving home, I’m still in disbelief that he has started school and we’re up to week 3 already! I hope that this next part of your life isn’t too lonely but that you enjoy a bit of freedom.
I’m adjusting … still miss her, but make the most of the times when we do get together 🙂
Long time to go for me (with a 4, 9 & 10 yo) but I have seen other family members experience that emptiness in different ways. Don’t disregard how you feel – it’s natural to feel down and lost for a while. Remember you’ve obviously raised them to be independent, self-sufficient and respectful young adults. You’ve done your job very well – enjoy the freedom and the luxury of your new phase of life x
I’ll do my best!!!! x
I wanted to have babies for years and I still hope we’ll have more. I honestly think I’ll be so lost when I’m past this stage. Trent always jokes I could be one of the crazy ladies that has 10+ kids because I love kids and being a mum so much. I don’t know what the hell I’ll do when shes grown up and moved on 🙁
We are still in regular contact – lots of texts and Facebooking! Plus every Monday night is “family night”, so at least I know my girl is getting one home cooked meal a week 🙂
I’m on the other end of the spectrum currently, with my son being only three years old. I dream of those days that I’ll be “free” to pursue my own goals again while simultaneously praying he’ll never grow up. Motherhood is madness at every stage I think. Our hearts are constantly torn between two (or more!) bodies. The things I yearn for myself and the things I yearn for him often feel completely at odds with each other.
Clearly, I have no major insights over here, just thoughts…
I love that, Emily … “motherhood is madness at every stage” … it surely is.
Ok so I have no words if wisdom to share as I think that may be a little arrogant considering I have not walked in your shoes YET……although it will not be far away I’m sure. Just wanted to say I think your brilliant and courageous to be so open with your journey so others can be either comforted or more aware. You have raised two beautiful kids and now you get to create a “new normal” which is always uncomfortable at first. 🙂
Thanks Deb, it’s certainly an “interesting” stage of life! x
I am sure it feels a little weird but I am also sure that they will always need you!! (and you never know, they may move back….I haven’t but 3 of my sisters moved back home at some point after moving out, my youngest sister (Miss 29 and her 1 year old twins) live back at home after moving out for a while!!)
Enjoy the YOU time!