I am baffled by something our neighbours have done.
Or rather, not done.
Like us, they moved in a bit over a year ago. Although they didn’t plant them, there are several small trees and large bushes in their yard which are becoming quite invasive, hanging over our property, dropping leaves and restricting access.
We’ve already had to hack back the ones at the front two or three times to be able to park our vehicles on that side. This is no small task – once the branches are cut we then have to haul them off to the dump in our trailer, often getting a nail in one of the tyres in the process (I swear it must have happened about four times last year).
We’ve trimmed the ones in the back once, about this time last year. However they are now overgrown again.
They’re quite pretty – a pride of india bush, a lilly pilly, a lemon tree, and a golden geisha – and while we definitely like the privacy they provide, they do overhang our yard quite a lot and really need some pruning.
Normally we would probably just do it and not say anything but … I heard a chainsaw last week, and when I went out to look, I could see this neighbour had a tree company in tidying up some of the vegetation on the other side of their property.
“Great!” I thought. “They’ll come over and do our side soon.”
And they did.
BUT.
Just a couple of small branches had been cut off the top of the tallest tree so it no longer scraped their guttering.
It was just the tiniest trim, when what it really needed was a SEVERE hair cut.
As it had gone quiet, I went out the front to see what was happening. Perhaps the workers were having smoko?
I was shocked to find they’d packed up and gone.
Surely not?
I could hear our neighbour in their backyard with their toddler.
My first reaction was to go over, knock on the door, and say, “Hi I’m Janet from next door, I’m a bit surprised that you didn’t ask us about the trees along our fence line, or get the workmen to tidy them up”.
However – one of the long term impacts of growing up in a dysfunctional home with an abusive parent, is that I loathe conflict or confrontation of any sort.
My fight or flight response kicked in. My breathing and pulse sped up, I found I was clenching my fists, my stomach was churning, I felt shaky, and my thoughts were in a whirl.
During my youth I learned to shut up and put up, so it takes a lot for me to open my mouth and be assertive.
Then I started second-guessing myself. Was what I wanted to ask, a fair question? Was I expecting too much? Was I over-reacting? Was I being too confrontational?
Just because I know darn well that the husbear and I would have checked with our neighbours if the shoe had been on the other foot, doesn’t mean that other people think the same way.
So you know what I did?
Nothing.
I wrote this blog post instead.
I just don’t understand our neighbours’ behaviour (we are on nodding terms only, which is the way we like it).
Husbear and I have been thinking for a while we need to approach them about that side, as one of the trees is actually pushing the fence over – so I am just flabbergasted that they would get tree loppers in and not:
- ask us about it;
- do anything about the situation.
And I’m cranky because now we will have to turn around and trim all those overhanging branches ourselves.
Am I being unreasonable? Should we say anything?
Bec Senyard says
I’d still go and have a chat about it. We are friendly with all our neighbours and I think it’s good to know who lives either side of you for community sake. We’ve lost that community spirit over the years by simply keeping to ourselves. But not all neighbours are friendly either and we have lived in street where it’s been nodding terms too. I definitely think it’s worth talking to the neighbours about the overgrown lilly pilly. The weight could affect the fence and that is definitely a difficult conversation to have when halving costs to replace a fence. Get the husby to do the talking for you if it makes you anxious. My grandparents have a situation with their neighbours which my mum has had to sort out as it’s given them anxiety. It may not cause any conflict at all by having a conversation about the overgrown trees and it will help your inner peace. xx
Janet Camilleri says
Yes it’s times like these I’m glad the husbear can do the talking 😉
Jan Holmes says
Actually you can just lop off the overhanging branches and toss them backinto the neighbours yard, the branches are theirs by law and you dont have to dispose of them. We had neighbours once who did this to us, they threw the branches back into our yard for us to get rid of, and although I was a bit miffed, they were quite within their rights. But it is best to keep friendly relations with close neighbours, and they probably have no idea the problems their bushes and trees are causing. I hate confrontation too, so cant advise how to go about it!!
Janice says
Yes….just let them know and maybe mention that if it is ok you will just put the branches back on their side. No need to get upset about it as they may not even realise. ??
Janet Camilleri says
Hi Jan and Janice (loving all the J names here, LOL) I guess I’m mainly just shocked that they didn’t even think to “ask” if we’d like the tree lopper to tidy things up while he was here … to me that is just common sense and common courtesy. But obviously not everyone is wired that way!
Yvette says
We have 2 neighbours down one side of our yard and one on the other (the back fence is a lane). We have a gardener come regularly and trim our trees and any that overhang from our neighbours. It would not occur to me to ask them to contribute to our side, as I feel we benefit from the lovely screening etc . Likewise, they have their gardener come in and trim their trees and I would not expect (nor want) them to come and do mine.
I suspect it has not occurred to them – I’m not sure it is ‘common sense’ or ‘common courtesy’ – but maybe you or your partner could start the conversation around who they used and that maybe you could have them come into your property when they are at their place next to trim the trees as they become very thick and invasive – you could even invite them over and show them.
I think cutting and putting the branches in their house is very passive aggressive. and something I would never do.
It is interesting how we all react differently to the same situation.
Good luck!