I have been thinking a bit lately about death and dying.
Frequent thoughts of death and dying can be a sign of depression, but I don’t think that’s so in my case.
Some would say this is all part and parcel of a midlife crisis, and with my 50th birthday not so far way, perhaps they are right. Though I really don’t feel in a state of crisis – in fact I would go so far as to say I am really enjoying this stage of my life!
But with such a milestone birthday looming, there is a sense that my time on planet earth is running out.
I think we are all scared to death, of death, to some degree (and those who say they aren’t are lying 😉 ).
But I feel as if I am reaching a place of acceptance. I’m certainly not looking forward to death, nor do I wish for it, but I know that it is … inevitable. Nobody knows when their time is up. I could have another 5 decades. Or it could be only another 5 days.
Whenever my time comes, reflecting on the matter I am satisfied with this life of mine. Sure, there is plenty more I would like to achieve, do, experience, see and try if I get the chance. But I’m grateful for where I am now and all that I have:
- A loving husband;
- Great kids;
- Work I love;
- A sense of purpose;
- Family and friends;
- A very nice roof over my head;
- Two kitty cats;
- Good health;
- The opportunity to travel a little;
- A creative outlet here on my blog.
I am truly rich!
Perhaps it stems from my “little incident”, recovering from my first surgery 4 years ago. You see, I nearly died – I stopped breathing and had to be resuscitated. When I woke up, I had no memory of it – absolutely no idea at all. It was just like I had been asleep. And as I love sleep, that is not such a bad thing!
From a religious point of view, I am not so arrogant as to assume I know what lies beyond death.
Personally, I hold to a Christian belief which has perhaps mellowed over the years (some might say watered down). As in, while that’s MY belief – who am I to say that other religions have got the wrong end of the stick? What if I’m the one that’s got it wrong? If that’s the case, I have no regrets – my faith certainly hasn’t done me any harm and has sustained me many times throughout my life.
Of course I am saddened by the thought of my life coming to an end and being separated from my nearest and dearest. But let’s face it, it’s highly likely I won’t be in a position to know or care when it does happen!
My sadness and regret is mostly for the ones I will leave behind – so I hope for their sake it’s not anytime soon!
What are your thoughts on death and dying? Is it possible to think about it without getting too morbid (which is what I hope I have done here!)?
Linking up with Kylie Purtell for IBOT.
Don’t you go dying on me Mummy! I need you ’til I’m 100 🙂
Don’t worry sweetie I want to be around for you, Darby & D for as long as possible! x
I don’t think I’m afraid of death. I would just hope that my dying isn’t going to be harsh but I’ll have no control over that or the timing. The physical body is designed for self preservation so it likes to avoid dying if it can. It’s my body that will eventually die and I am not my body. I’ve already had my d&m with my daughter about my death and should she live to experience mine that she should by all means grieve and not deny herself that process, but not to feel sad for me since I’ll be free and my purpose fulfilled.
It’s a tough conversation, but a good one to have with loved ones Theresa x
I think what you wrote is resonating with me too. I am even closer (if you can make guesses like that) than you and my Dad is almost 93. I hope for all of us to have a swift and peaceful death. What happens once we are dead no-one knows other than from the physical deterioration. It’s a conversation people need to have more. In terms of choices about advanced care etc so we are not kept alive with drs’ wishes taken first. We have powers of enduring attorney/guardianship for us (with our 2 adult kids) and Dad already has his with me and my bro. Families need to be unafraid of the conversations. I read yesterday that 65% of Australians do not have a will. Crazy!!
I know, how amazing is that Denyse? We got our wills etc sorted when we had our kids. They could do with an update but basically our desires are the same, just no need for guardians anymore!
I grew up with death and depression. My mother’s 18 year old sister died in tragic circumstances just days before I was born. My birthday is a constant reminder of this sad time.
I think it is why I’m a little detached when it comes death and dying & why I’ve started a blogging initiative that I’m really passionate about which has me working with palliative and aged clients. Helping them tell their story through private blog posts and turning that blog into a hard book keepsake for their family. There are other, closer to home issues as to why I’ve started this as well but I’m not really ready to share the whole story.
Sounds intriguing Raych, I like that you are helping others x
I just read your post about your hysterectomy operation and going into intensive care – what a scary experience for you and your poor family. I have experienced my sister in intensive care after an head-on car accident. Fortunately she was Ok after about 48 hours and some emergency facial surgery – it was very scary, especially as she was only 19. I also remember this other young guy who had been hit by a bouncer. His prognosis wasn’t good and he’d been in intensive care for more than a week when my sister wound up there. Such an emotional place.
Yes it’s not a place anybody would WANT to be!
I definitely believe in the afterlife and have personally experience this with a dear friend after her death. I know there is something more after we finish up here on Earth – what that is I can’t be sure. But I know deep down now that it is there.
I have an open mind these days x
Fancy you writing this when you told me you never thought about what you’d like for your funeral! Looks like you’ll be picking funeral songs before you know it! 🙂
Haha it’s all your fault then! No seriously I really haven’t given any thought to my funeral. Just the death and dying part 😉
I think about it from time to time, mostly hoping I get to enjoy seeing my kids happy in their own lives before the time comes. xx
Yes that would be good Nicole, me too x
I’m terrified of dying in a ‘I don’t want to fly because it’s too risky and the plane might crash and I’ll die’ kinda way! It stems from losing my mum to cancer when I was 19 and she was just 43, it gave me all sorts of weird phobias and a fear of dying is just one of them! Just reading this post made me anxious! Eek! #TeamIBOT
I try not to think about my own death too often, but do worry about my husband. He has a history of young deaths on the male side of his family. We need to enjoy every minute.
I try not to think about it, actually I do have a lot of death/dying issues and hence why I try to push it out of my mind. Sadly, I have a lot of personal experience of my loved ones dying (between Feb 1990-May 98 28 funerals starting with my grandparents and ending with my fiance), so my fixation with death isn’t so much about me dying but my loved ones. My parents, hubster and kids. I am actually ok with me dying which sounds really strange but I know there is more than here, because of personal experiences I have had with some of my loved ones who have died xoxo
Oh wow, that is a LOT. We had 3 – including 2 completely unexpected ones of friends – in the early 2000. Or was it 2001? I can’t remember now – and that was a really tough time. I dread the thought of anything happening to the hubster (who has had a health scare just recently) and my kids, try not to think about it.
Great topic Janet, it doesn’t get enough space I don’t think! We should be comfortable with this type of talk.
I must confess I was in two minds about actually publishing it Seona, as I know it’s not an easy subject … and a lot of people may not want to read it … but it has been on my mind.
Interesting topic, Janet. I’m not particularly keen to die, certainly not at any stage soon, but accept it will happen eventually. I just hope that when it does, it’s peacefully and painlessly and at the end of my natural life, not at the end of some long-fought illness. I also firmly believe we should have a right to choose to die with dignity under the right (wrong!) circumstances. My fears around death are more around my loved ones.
Peacefully and painlessly – or so quick that we won’t know what happened xxx
Great post Janet! I don’t think about dying a whole lot, however, I am always mindful of what my life will represent when I am gone. I definitely want to leave a legacy that says I didn’t just take up space, but that my life meant something to those around me. In the words of Cinderella, have courage and be kind sounds like a pretty good legacy to leave for my family and friends.
I’m pretty sure you’re well on the way to creating an awesome legacy Deb x