Forget the rosy picture painted by retailers – for some of us, Mother’s Day hurts like hell.
It could be that your mother has passed away. Or maybe your mum lives a long way away, in another state or even country.
Then there are women who long to become mothers themselves, but for some reason or other it just hasn’t happened.
Mum and me in happier times
My story is a little different.
It’s hard to sum up a lifetime of hurt and anguish in one little blog post. The short version is that my mum had severe mental health issues – these days, we believe she may even have been a sociopath. Needless to say, growing up with a parent in need of more parenting than I did, was extremely difficult.
Things didn’t improve after I left home, despite my best attempts. In the end, my Mum and I were estranged for many years before she died.
She refused to come to my wedding, and never met my children. As a mum myself, this only emphasizes the severity of her illness – because there is no way I could ever turn my back on my children.
I grieved the loss of my mother many years before she died. I still vividly remember going to the shops with my two small children, and everywhere I looked were other young mums with their mothers alongside, doting on their grandchildren – a sight that nearly always made me cry.
I Hated Mother’s Day
Mother’s Day only served as a painful reminder of how although I had a mother, she wanted nothing to do with me (or my siblings).
Over the years, I have worked really hard at forgiving my mother – not because she ever admitted she’d done anything wrong (let alone asked for forgiveness), or because she deserved it, but because it was the only way I could set myself free.
Love being a mother to these two!
By the time I learned that she had passed away (nearly five years after the event – that says it all doesn’t it!), I had reached a point where I sincerely wished the best for her and hoped that she was leading a happy life.
It was only as my own children arrived, that I began to enjoy Mother’s Day again. Oh and I have another reason to love Mother’s Day now – PRESENTS! Apparently this is only part of the loot my kids have ready to give me on Sunday:
How spoiled am I?!
That’s my story – no matter what yours is, if Mother’s Day hurts like hell for you too, I send you a great big hug!
If you also dread Mother’s Day, how do you cope with it each year?
You were such a cute baby!
Naww you’re just saying that because you looked exactly the same at that age!!!
So sorry you experienced that! I’m so glad you started to enjoy Mothers Day with your husband and children. Sending you a virtual hug!
Thanks Ingrid! It’s a long time ago now and I have healed a lot since then x
Sorry to hear about your experiences with your mother.
I struggle a bit because I’d wanted kids and the whole ‘celebrating’ mums thing is a bit of a challenge when I feel it’s unfair it’s something I’m not. I realise though it’s my issue and no one else’s.
Deb
Deb, it still sucks. At our church they celebrate ALL women on Mother’s Day, giving them a rose or some chocolates etc, I think it’s a nice touch x
I remember you sharing your painful story about your mother before and I feel sad for you again as you approach another Mother’s Day and the pain comes to the surface again. With all the happiness I have in being lucky to have a great Mum and in becoming a mum to our two kids through adoption I still have an undercurrent of sadness for the infertility and loss we suffered and sadness too for our children’s birth-parents.
Hi Kathy, I watched my own sister go through the infertility thing so I know just how difficult Mother’s Day can be for would-be mums. I share my story, not so much because of a need to express my pain, but to help others if at all possible x
That’s a huge amount of presents! How lucky are you?!
I’m not overly keen on mothers day, but not for any real reason. I love that it’s another excuse for a present, but that’s about it. I think there’s a lot of pressure put on the day, that it never lives up to.
I hope you have a lovely day Janet celebrating the mother you are. Your kids obviously adore you. xx
I know Jess, I think they’ve gone a bit over the top this year!!!! Not sure what that’s about exactly!!!
Thanks for this thoughtful post, and hugs to you … it’s good for us all to remember that mother’s day can be so difficult for some. I remember the aching sadness when I thought I may never have children of my own. I’m so, so thankful for my two kids.
Thanks Liz, my childhood wounds have healed well, yes there is a scar but it doesn’t hurt or bother me anymore 🙂 .
Thanks for sharing your story. It will remind me to appreciate what I have. xxx
Visiting via #teamibot
I may not have had a great relationship with my mum, but I do have a great one with my daughter, which I am very grateful for!
Oh Janet, that is so heartbreaking. I’m so sorry that you weren’t able to have that relationship with your own mother, but kudos to you for breaking the cycle and making sure that your kids are always loved – and that they know they are loved x
Thanks Zilla, from what I can gather my mum and her mum had a love/hate relationship, so yes, very glad the cycle stops with me 🙂 .
Sorry to hear you had such a strained relationship with your mum Janet but glad you are basking in the love of your own children! Spoilt! I got a puppy so I can’t really complain 🙂
It’s so lovely to finally be able to enjoy a mother-daughter relationship – now that I’m the mum! And of course a wonderful mother-son relationship too. Blessed 🙂
Ahh Janet. I can’t imagine how hard that must have been. Sending much love and hugs.
It sucked back in the day but that was then, this is now 🙂
Thank you for sharing such a personal story. I felt every word.
Advance Happy Mother’s Day Janet.
Thanks Cam, that means a lot x
My mum lives overseas and is battling cancer metastasis to her lungs and bone. We usually talk with each other via FaceTime but this coming Mother’s Day is probably the hardest for me. ??
As for being a mum myself, I feel blessed to have a son. No complaints there. ?
Oh Jacq, I do feel for you. Big hugs x
Learning the art of forgiveness is one of the hardest to master but delivers the most joy. Thankfully you can celebrate your own success with your kids and that damn awesome pile of gifts…..wishing you a great day. xx N
I know Nikki, I can’t *wait* to see what’s inside!!!
I used to dread it for many years before I became a mum. Now I have a reason to like it {although its still a reminder that we can’t have a second baby, but at least we have one}. When I worked in the shopping centre I used to always see women shopping with their mums and be jealous of them too because I don’t have that kind of relationship with my mum. I was hoping it would get better once I had bub {and it kind of has}, but its still really strained {not that she probably even realises}.
Wishing you all the best for your dreams of becoming a mother all over again xxx
I’m sorry to hear it was like this Janet. All the more reason the soak up the joy of the day with your own beautiful children. And who knows, one day you’ll have even more little ones to share it with. You have brought Motherly love back to your family – and I bet your kids love you to pieces for it. Enjoy tomorrow lovely xx
It’s nice that your church celebrates all women. It’s only fair because Motherhood isn’t always achievable but it doesn’t mean you’re less of a potential mother. My Mum is gone now so I’m sad and my kids are up in Townsville not with me, but I’ll see them both soon so I’m very lucky. I’m glad that you can express your feelings about your own Mum and they’ve healed and scarred over. They’ll always be there but not so painful any more. I’m also so happy that you’ve broken the cycle and have a lovely relationship with your own kids!
I’m very blessed Jan! Having had a sister struggle with infertility, plus our own lack of a mother, has meant that I really empathise with others who hate it x
Well expressed — even those of us with “normal and everyday” mothers can relate!