It’s a major milestone in the life of middle aged parents everywhere – that moment when your child leaves home.
But although you know it’s coming, nothing really prepares you for it – and the maelstrom of emotions that accompanies it, as I’m now learning.
Miss 18 has moved out.
I’ve had so many mixed feelings in the week that she’s been gone:
- Grief and Loss – Our family has changed forever, and I can’t help feeling some sadness over the way things were. I’ve found myself looking at old photo albums and remembering my children as babies, toddlers, starting school … (I don’t really want to remember the teenage years though!)
- Surprise – I always thought Mr 20 would be the first to leave. However, after a rocky patch about a year ago, he seems to realise just how good he’s got it at home and shows no inclination to leave anytime soon 😉 .
- Loneliness – Miss 18 and I have a great relationship – she is one of my best friends! But now I don’t get to see her everyday, there are some feelings of loneliness. I work from home, and until recently she worked casual hours so she was often around, meaning that I felt less isolated.
- Pride – The goal of parenting is to raise a child to adulthood and independence. Time to celebrate a job well done!
- Concern – How will Miss 18 go? Will she eat properly? Will she be safe? How will she go with budgetting and paying bills and all the other responsibilities that come when you move out of home?
- Excitement – It’s an exciting time in a young person’s life, to set up home for the first time by themselves – I can’t help but be excited for Miss 18 on her new adventure!
- Relief – I’d by lying if I said there wasn’t also some sense of relief. It’s common in the lead up for a child leaving home, for there to be some disagreements and pushing at the boundaries, as they start to spread their wings. Miss 18 was no exception … it’s nice to have a harmonious home once again.
- Hope – Deep down I’m hoping that her foray in the real world will be short lived, and she’ll be moving back home again in the not-too-distant future!
- Exhaustion – At the end of the day, I’m finding all these emotions can be downright exhausting!
So there’s good and bad, and I can feel any or all of these emotions within any given five minute period 😉 .
Thank goodness I got a selfie stick for my birthday – now that I’ve lost my chief photographer for my #everydaystyle and #fashionfromtherealworld posts!
Do you have any tips for me on handling my emotions now that my child has left home?!
Linking with Essentially Jess for IBOT
My children are not yet at an age where they can leave home but it won’t be too many years off. I dread the thought of them leaving! I just hope none of my three kids moves permanently to another country!
You’re right, I hope they never move to another city let alone another COUNTRY!
I have a few years yet til the first leaves the nest- the idea is both thrilling and bloody awful!
Oh my goodness Janet – such conflicting emotions! I haven’t had one of mine move out yet but I know it will be my daughter who goes first. Next will be Twin 2. Twin 1 I think I will have with me for a long, long time! 😉
It’s a bit of a roller coaster xxx
I have nothing for you – except thank you for letting me know what I might expect from myself. My 18yo has no plans to leave yet and ny 17yo insists if she moves out she will just move next door. I oscillate between wanting my house back and fearing the boredom and rattling around all on our own. And who will wash the dishes every night? And clean the other bathroom? But then, spare rooms and no fighting seems kinda nice.
This is the point where I think the idea of everyone coming home for a family meal together each week sounds so good.
I hope and pray the transition is not too bumpy for you both.
Ah yes, but remember, if they move out, there won’t be near as many dishes and the other bathroom will STAY clean – two things I’m already noticing!!!
As an ’empty nester’, I can tell you, the pros do generally outweigh the cons. There is less housework, no surplus randoms (all their friends) wandering around your house, less tension. The downside is emotional. For us control freaks, not being able to take care of them is a big hassle. We still make some financial contributions to ours, buy them treats, sometimes take them out for lunch.
I guess the relationship is more equal. I don’t, for good or ill, have the same expectations of time spent with me, of being home for dinner. Neither do they expect that we will drop everything for them.
Having your babies leave the nest feels like a betrayal, that they don’t love me any more. But it’s not. You will be glad. Keep telling yourself that!
Yes I am a bit over the surplus randoms, this house is not designed for privacy. Many was the time I’d come into the kitchen in my nightie (on weekends) to find visitors there … ugh. I’m sure it will get better, but it’s all a bit weird at the moment x
Whilst empty nest is still some years away. Mr 6 has informed us that is not leaving home but has plans to put in a pool when he is 18.
*sigh* I remember the days when both of our kids swore they’d never move out or leave us, not even when they got married. How things change! 😉
Wow, I can’t even imagine what that’s like as I sit here while my 3 year old naps!
But as the daughter who once moved out at 18, I can tell you that your relationship will get much closer. You might not see her every day but there will be plenty of phone calls, asking of advice on adult things (it’s all a lot to take in as you realise you’re out there being independent) and the more conscious choice to make time to see each other.
Embrace it 🙂
There has been plenty of texting and Facebooking happening already and we went out for dinner just tonight x
Not tips Janet, but a great big hug. I don’t look forward to this day.
Thanks Jess. Hugs are always welcome!
It is a tumultuous times when our chickens fly the coop. I’ve been there and done it twice! On the plus side you still get to have a good relationships with your kids by catching up for coffee dates, movies, shopping, etc. In fact my daughter now instigates a lot of our outings together. She even bought me a ticket to a concert in March which we are going to attend together! You will eventually get used to it. xx
Yes Miss 18 and I went for dinner together, just tonight!
Oh Janet! No, I don’t have any advice sorry. Just hugs. If she’s anything like I was though she’ll be back and forth a few times. Enjoy the quiet while you can 🙂
I feel your pain Janet. Richard moved out when he was 21 and I was totally alone. It took me a good 6-12 months to come to terms with the fact that the life I’d had with him had changed forever. Luckily, he lives close by and he needs me to do his business bookwork!! I’ve now re-arranged things so much in my townhouse that I don’t have any room for him and his vehicle, two trailers and dog. All I can say to parents of young children is make the most of the time you have with them because before you know it they’ll have flown the coop.
What will you do with the free room? Gym, library, beauty room 😉
I wish! Mr 20 has already claimed it – he collects movie memorabilia and his room was so full he could barely move, now he has his bedroom AND a display room …
We’re definitely a few years off moving out yet. I remember the first time I moved out though, it was kind of lonely the first night but the freedom was great. I hope that you are feeling better about the new change soon and I’m sure you’ll still see lots of Miss 18 x
My two haven’t started school yet, so I can’t imagine this! Congrats and commiserations. x
Enjoy it while it lasts! My Miss 18 moved out last July, and is moving back this month. Makes me glad I never got around to finishing “my” room.
Haha yes, you could be right …
Yup, I remember that feeling… sigh xxxx
They really are children for such a short time, aren’t they Liz?!