So here’s the problem: what do you do when your daughter dates an older man?!
I know you probably think I’m dishing the dirt on my own Miss 18, but this time I am totally asking for a reader!
It seems her 23 year old daughter has recently started dating the man of her dreams. On paper, he sounds perfect. Mr Dreamy has a great job; is financially responsible; polite and courteous; handsome (I’m told!); and they share many interests.
There’s just one little catch …
Mr Dreamy is nearly twenty years older than his girlfriend. In fact, at 42 he is only a year or so younger than his girlfriend’s mother!
I don’t know how we would handle it if it was our daughter. Heck, the hubster barely handles the fact Miss 18 has a boyfriend at all, let alone one 20 years older. (Just between you and me, I think he’d like to lock her up in an enchanted tower à la Rapunzel, and throw away the key!)
When Your Daughter Dates an Older Man …
So I turned to Facebook, that source of all wisdom! Here’s what some of you had to say:
TERESA understands exactly how our reader is feeling: My daughter’s hubby is about 16 years older… they met when she was 19 and were together for a few years before they married. How did I react? There was nothing to react to! I treated him the same as I would any friend of my daughter and welcomed him into my family. My son-in-law is about 8 years younger than I am, and he’s a lovely man.
NATALIE is a tad conflicted! She shared: Depends on so many things. But if it was my daughter, I would probably be a lot tougher on the situation. I wouldn’t want her going out with anyone more than 10 years her senior, and even then not until she was at least 25 years old. Which makes me a hypocrite considering I was 20 and my husband was almost 28 when we met LOL.
It raised mixed emotions in ELAINE as well: Depends on all the circumstances. It’s not a simple one. History, context, maturity and circumstances are to be weighed. On a purely emotive response – help!!!
KYLIE is fully expecting to face this dilemma herself. She wrote: To be honest, I would be extremely surprised if my daughter brought someone home who is close to her age. She tends to have a lot of older friends, and is currently studying a course where she is one of very few school leavers; most people in the course are mature age students or on their second degree … And she doesn’t suffer fools well, which rules out a large percentage of guys her own age at this point!
So, I guess if I believed he treated her well; and was strong enough mentally to not get totally lost in the path of her very strong personality, and supported her in her dreams and goals while not losing sight of his own, I would be more than fine about it.
MELANIE called on the example of her own parents, married for over 50 years: There is 14 years between my parents. As long as both parties are mature, sure. But they might want different things. Like every couple, there needs to be open discussion, just the topics might be a little different, is all.
So to the reader in question, it seems the verdict is cautiously positive, depending on the maturity of your daughter, and the calibre of her new boyfriend. Do keep us posted as to how it goes!
Do you know any couples with a sizable age gap? How would you feel if your daughter brought home a much older man?!