I’ve never felt quite comfortable kissing my children on the lips.
My preference was always to kiss their cheeks or the top of their heads or toes or … anywhere except their lips. When Miss 18 was small, we had a tradition where as I towel-dried her after a bath, I would always drop a kiss “on her button nose”, something she still remembers to this day.
There was the odd time when my kids would offer me a peck on the lips and I accepted it, because I felt to turn my head aside so it landed on my cheek, would hurt their feelings. (The only exception – when they were babies and would offer up a goldfish kiss. You know, big open mouth pointed in your direction. Too funny!)
But apparently now some doctor is claiming that to kiss your children on the lips is way too sexual.
Now, while personally *I* am not comfortable with it, I think that is more about *my* hangups than my kids’. When I was about 11 or 12, my stepfather slipped his tongue in (ewww!) when tucking me into bed one night. Now THAT’S too far. Funnily enough I started putting myself to bed from that day on …
I still love to give my kids hugs and kisses, and by all indications, they seem to enjoy it (but not in front of others thanks very much) – in fact sometimes they even come and ask for a hug. I kiss Mr 21 on the cheek sometimes when I give him a hug. I’ve been known to kiss the back of Miss 18’s neck when her hair is tied up, when I’ve walked up behind her for a quick hug.
However, I definitely wouldn’t be comfortable kissing them on the lips now. I watched the movie “Meet Joe Black” on the weekend and noticed that the main character, played by Sir Anthony Hopkins, kissed both of his adult daughters on the lips, which made me cringe a little … but maybe some folk think that is okay?
As far as kissing your kids on the lips when they are small, I think it’s a bit like the great smacking debate. As I’ve written before, I believe there is a right and a wrong way to smack. And so it is with kissing. There is a right and a wrong way to kiss a child. A peck on the lips – if that’s what you’re comfortable with – is fine. Slipping a tongue in? NOT FINE.
How about you? Do – or did – you kiss your children on the lips? Do you still hug and kiss them once they’re grown?
Leisa says
I did when they were wee ones but then it morphed as they got older into cheek, forehead, top of head, back of hand etc, quite naturally. My parents never kissed me on the lips. Always cheek or head. My MIL tends to go for the lips, even now! Sorry, but I do turn to avoid. Not comfortable with it at all.
I still hug and kiss all mine and they’re all in their 20’s. Sometimes the girls do big, squashy kisses on the cheek, just for added silliness. My 24 year old son still sidles up for a hug and a kiss now and then. I’m glad. 🙂
Janet Camilleri says
I’m so glad my kids still love hugs too! And oh dear, you MIL – I’d turn away too …
Amy @ HandbagMafia says
Your step dad did what?? Jeez, that’s horrible- no wonder it put you off, that is very sad- and I’m sorry to read that it happened to you.
As for me, I have no problem with kissing my kids on the lips. The doctor that thinks it’s sexual is someone projecting their own problems as far as I’m concerned- they are right there with the idiots that are offended by breastfeeding because they can’t separate breasts and sexuality.
Janet Camilleri says
Yeah it was pretty gross Amy; fortunately it never went any further than that (although my mother did accuse me of seducing her husband. When you consider that I was a kid that still – secretly – played with dolls in Year 8 – I don’t think I would have had the first clue!). My mother wasn’t particularly affectionate and my father wasn’t really around after I was 10. I have always made sure to give my own kids lots of love and hugs because I didn’t really have it when I was young.
Hugzilla says
Oh Janet, I’m sorry to hear that. I think it’s wonderful that you’ve made sure to give your own kids plenty of love x
JF Gibson says
I’ve never really thought about it, sometimes we do, sometimes it’s on the cheek or nose. I think as they get older it’s more on the cheek.
Janet Camilleri says
I’d never thought about it either til I saw the news report on Friday! I guess we naturally do what we are comfortable with.
Angie says
I totally kiss my kids on the lips. Think it’s weird that other people would somehow misconstrue it as sexual. That will probably stop as they get older though and that’s just a normal progression. I don’t think it requires analysis to be honest.
In saying that, I can certainly understand why you would have a hang-up about kissing your kids on the lips after that creepy stepdad experience!
Janet Camilleri says
I think you’re right too Angie – if this doctor hadn’t said anything 99% of people wouldn’t even think about it.
Kylie Purtell - A Study in Contradictions says
Punky kisses Dave and I on the lips all the time and I can tell that doctor there ain’t nothing sexual about it whatsoever. I feel really sorry for that Doc actually, because he obviously has some issues that he hasn’t worked through. As for when they get older, I think like Angie said, it will naturally progress to the cheek. The only people I kiss on the lips now are Dave and my Dad. My Dad kisses all of us kids on the lips and I never once thought it was weird, it was just a Dad thing. And again, not a single thing sexual about it. I reckon to each his own, do what makes you feel comfortable, and to the doctor I say stop projecting your own issues on to everyone else and making parents question yet another thing about their parenting.
#teamIBOT
Haidee says
My 2 year old leaves me no choice in the matter but I tend to kiss them on the cheeks and head far more often. Toddler kisses on the lips can be slimy affairs!
Kathy Marris says
I don’t have a problem kissing my adult kids on the lips. In fact we almost always kiss on the lips. I really can’t see anything wrong with it at all. Kissing to me is not sexual but a sign of affection. My elderly Mum and Dad both still kiss me on the lips too!
Natalie @ our parallel connection says
Each child of mine kisses me differently. My eldest always kisses me in the cheek but she loves to hug me too. My second will kiss on the cheek or lips but loves a cuddle. My eldest boy is a lip kisser and my youngest kisses both cheeks and then lips. I love it all
Pinky Poinker says
Janet… that’s an awful story and I’m sad you had that happen. I never kissed my kids on the lips even when they were babies because of the germ thing. I smothered them all over their plump little faces though! xxxxx
EssentiallyJess says
I’m not a very ‘touchy’ person so I don’t kiss them on the lips a lot. More the littler ones and I never turn away from them if they ask. Mostly I kiss on the cheek though or the head. I’ve never really thought about it.
Renee Wilson says
We kiss on the lips here in this family. Dave started it off first and I thought it was a bit odd, but now it seems the most natural thing in the world and not sexual in the least. It’s just our way of showing our love for one another.
Sally@Toddlers on Tour says
I agree with you, I kiss my son on the cheek and top of the head but never the lips.
Kissing on the lips feels more intimate something special reserved for your chosen lover.