I read a report recently that claimed that midlife is the hardest time in a marriage.
Having clocked up 25 years of wedded bliss, and being firmly in that middle age bracket, I tend to disagree … so what do I think has been the hardest time in our marriage?
The First Year
We didn’t move in together until after our wedding, so the first year of our marriage was about learning to live together. Simple things like whether to set the alarm clock to radio or buzzer became major battlegrounds; and don’t get me started on money! We were both used to doing our own thing with our own pay packets. I was horrified when he “wasted” money on tools and other bits and pieces; he couldn’t believe how much I spent on clothes and makeup.
It also didn’t help that I’d moved to the other side of town, away from my family and friends.
The Baby Years
Our first baby arrived one week after our 4th wedding anniversary; our second child, 2 1/2 years later. Sleepless nights, out of control hormones, the responsibilities – although a joyous time in our lives, it was also hard on our marriage. Add to that the fact that I was suffering severe postnatal depression – which wasn’t diagnosed til our youngest child was 2 – and yep, it was a difficult time in our relationship.
The 7 Year Itch
I seriously don’t remember this being a problem for us. But then again, I’d just started treatment for depression and was actually falling in love with the hubster, all over again!
Teenagers
Our kids are now 21 and 18, but there were times when they were teenagers that things were not so easy. If the hubster and I fought, it was over our teenagers and how to handle the latest challenge …
Midlife Crisis
I was plunged into a midlife crisis of sorts when I was made redundant from my government job nearly three years ago. However, with the support of my hubster and a lot of hard work, I’ve not only lived to tell the tale but am thriving!
Redundancy
And now, just when we thought life was settling down again, we’ve been thrown another curve ball – the hubster has also just been made redundant. In many ways this is (or will be!) a positive thing, but there’s no doubt that the familiar is easier. Now everything’s up in the air – Will he find another job? What does he really want to do? Will we shift so he can get the job he wants? And where?
Health Issues
We’ve been fortunate to have avoided any serious health issues up til this point in our marriage, despite a health scare earlier this year. Let’s hope it stays that way!
Is Retirement the Hardest Time in a Marriage?
Many older women seemed to find it hard to adjust when their husband retires, usually because they are used to doing their own thing – and suddenly there’s somebody demanding their time, attention and energy 24/7.
I’ve had an inkling of what that’s like; when we travelled Australia in 2001, I also wasn’t used to having the hubster around all the time! We soon got used to it, but there was definitely a few arguments a time of adjustment. Hopefully we’ll be more in love than ever …
Yet for all the hard times in our marriage, there have been many more good times. I am so thankful to be sharing my life with such a wonderful man!
What say you? What do you think is the hardest time in a marriage?!