Our Top 10 Marriage Tips

PEOPLE often comment that my husbear and I are that extremely rare breed: a couple that is happily married, even after nearly 35 years (I know, we don’t look old enough LOL).

They look at us in wonder and shake their heads in disbelief. Sometimes I think we belong in a museum or the freak show! (Hmmm … definitely the freak show LOL).

So how have we managed this incredible feat? Just lucky I guess 😉 .

Seriously though, we thought we would share our top 10 marriage tips, in the hopes that they will help other couples …

Our Top 10 Marriage Tips

Marriage Tip 1:

Early on, we learnt to banish the “D” word (divorce) from our vocabulary.

Part of the joy of marriage is the security it brings. By even considering / contemplating / threatening divorce, we would be undermining that. It’s such a lovely feeling to know that you are in this together, forever!

At the same time, I am fully aware that despite the best intentions in the world, not everybody’s marriage works out. People change and not always for the better; bad stuff happens; and there are times when ending a marriage is the best solution for those involved. But I don’t think any of us go into marriage expecting to end up divorced, so it is best treated as a last resort.

Marriage Tip 2:

Treat each other with honour and respect.

I have been horrified on more than one occasion to hear a woman speaking on the phone to their husband as if he is an imbecile or a child, or just plain  abruptly or rudely. Let’s just say, I wasn’t surprised with one of the cases, to learn that the couple had split. So many people seem to stop making an effort, and just let the courtesies slide with their nearest and dearest, when in fact the opposite should be the case.

Marriage Tip 3:

Give each other the benefit of the doubt.

When your partner does something that really annoys you, remind yourself that they most likely had the best of intentions. He loves you and would never purposely do anything to hurt or upset you (and if he would, you have a problem … it might be worth getting in touch with an organisation like DV Connect).

I’m reminded of a verse from the famous Love Chapter (I Corinthians 13:7) in the Bible, which is so often quoted at weddings:

“If you love someone, you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him.”

Marriage Tip 4:

We try to practice random acts of kindness for each other – it’s not just for strangers!

I might mow the lawn as a surprise; he might buy my favourite chocolate or magazine when he does the grocery shopping.

Marriage Tip 5:

One of the best things we ever did was go on a second honeymoon for our 20th wedding anniversary.

We spent 5 days on the Gold Coast, without children, and fell in love all over again! Dare I say, it was probably better than the first honeymoon? 😉 .

I use this example to say, never under-estimate the importance of couple time, including the occasional weekend away.

Marriage Tip 6:

Brag, don’t bag! We women are often guilty of bagging our guys (yes, me too at times …).

However what we’ve discovered is that what you focus on becomes bigger in your life. So focus on the good in your man and your marriage! What would you rather focus on: your husband’s faults and flaws, or his good qualities?

Marriage Tip 7:

Take a chill pill. Life is hard enough, don’t create drama where it’s not necessary – choose your battles wisely.

Does it really matter in the scheme of things if he (insert common annoying habit here)? Is it worth getting upset about? Will it matter tomorrow? Next week? Next year?

Marriage Tip 8:

Got issues? You’re not alone.

Don’t blame your childhood, and don’t let the past rule or ruin your present or your future. There is no shame in getting professional help! Yes, there have been times when I have sought therapy to deal with some of the baggage from my tender years (I highly recommend walk and talk counselling!); and we have also had relationship counselling to help us through some difficult times.

Marriage Tip 9:

Give each other grace.

Sometimes my husbear has to work long hours – I give him grace, instead of getting annoyed, when he nods off in the middle of our favourite TV program or is a bit cranky.

Or, if he knows I have a deadline looming, he will take on extra household tasks. Graceful living is the oil that allows our relationship to function without friction.

Marriage Tip 10:

Learn your love languages.

You can read more about love languages here, as well as find a link to a quick test to help you determine your love language.

It’s not always easy – I know I couldn’t work out our love languages for a long time – but eventually I had a light bulb moment!

So there you have it: our top 10 marriage tips.

We’re not sharing this to say how good we are or to show off, and our marriage is by no means perfect. However, together we have been able to build a marriage and home filled with love – and it’s our sincere desire that others also enjoy a lifetime of happiness. For those in doubt – we are living proof that love really can grow sweeter over time (okay you can stop throwing up now!).

Is there anything you think should be added to our top 10 marriage tips?!

With special thanks to the husbear for his input – this truly was a joint post!

This post was originally published about 5 years ago, however I have updated it as I felt it was worth sharing again 🙂